I feel like writing. Here we gooooooooooooooooooo.
This week has been super interesting. It’s been good, awesome, self-revealing, lonely, fun, full of new things, frustrating (almost to tears, almost).
Insecurity can kill a person. It’ll strip you of everything and leave you gasping for air, broken and bleeding – to die a slow……. lonely…………. death.
Hahahahahah that was soooo dramatic. I had to, so you’d see what I meant.
Now we’re on the same page.
I know insecurity comes from hurt. It’s the pain that follows a wound, festering in its misery of brokenness, of not being whole. This week has been an interesting. All day everyday this week, I chilled with Daddy-o and saw him provide for me and alllaaaaa that good stuff. The usual. But in the midst of it all, what I remember most is my insecurity, my longing for closure, healing.
It’s crazy ’cause in my heart, I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Nothing matters, I can’t see, know, breathe, love anything but him. But in this world, my flesh can’t yet forget it’s… insecurity. It’s a sly thing. A sneaky little sneak. It weasels its way into my mind, accusing me of my inadequacy, loneliness and stupidity until it becomes easier to believe it than question it.
In the midst of all the goodness lies my insecurity. The crazier thing is: in the midst of all my hurt his love covers me. It’s so gentle. It’s almost like it’s not even there. Even as I sit in the fog, my heart laughs in this crazy stupid joy. It’s overcome by this river-like peace. And he makes me smile. He really does.
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.'”- Psalm 94:18
He has graced me again.