River

A couple weeks ago, I started running along the riverbed near my house.  There are some cons but I’ve mostly noticed pros.  They are: no cars, no traffic signals, not a lot of sidewalk traffic, lots of open air, no thoughts of making turns or a route to follow, dips going under the streets to add in miniscule changes in elevation.  All I do is follow the road.  I can choose to go as far as my whim takes me and get off on an exit to run back home on the streets or turn back around whenever.  It’s good.

Today I found myself going down past Regional Park to Bloomfield.  I have no idea how far away that is.  I’ve yet to plug it into mapmyrun.  On the way back, I began to feel this pretty amazing goodness welling up inside me.  It was more than a runner’s high.  Or maybe the runner’s high caused it.  Or maybe it caused the high.  Who knows.

Either way, it was there.  I know I talk a lot about this fuzzy-wuzzy good-feeling fluff and stuff and I think maybe it gets old.  Maybe not for you, but for me.  God is good, Jesus is good, life is fun and everything is beautiful.  Okay I get it.  It’s the same stuff.  Hebrews 13:8.  Heart, can you show me something new?

I guess the thing that gets me more, got me more in the moment of the run was earlier that morning I cussed at my wonderful little brother and sassed my mom more than necessary at 7:30 in the a.m. because they woke me up demanding Jed’s insurance carrier and policy number for a freaking science field trip.  I had to explain he only really needs that information to play sports in school, but only after rolling out of bed, down the stairs and into the kitchen to read the permission slip.  Anyway.  The night before, I used again more colorful words to express my annoyance at his failure to turn off my computer correctly, leaving the little white light blinking like a lighthouse in my sleep.  And the week before I… Yes.  Yes, I was and am a bitch.  And yes, I said it.

It’s crazy.  All of that, alllllll of that nonsense, all of me being me, being crude and rude and selfish and temperamental and impatient and intolerable… and it doesn’t change a thing.  Not a one.

And so I run.  And He graces me.  Again.  Again and again and again and again and again.  And every time, I’m flabbergasted.  I’m tossed upside down, ripped inside out.  Because that grace and love and peace and crazy joy is SO STINKING REAL AND CONSTANT AND STEADY.  Even when I’m me.  Especially when I’m me!  Hahahah!!!

I ran all the way back home with the biggest craziest smile on my face.  I am a crazy person.  In love.

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I'm here to be me because I think I'm pretty cool. Walk with me as I explore myself, the world, and everything in between. I also curse a lot.

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