Uncomfortable

“Can you come in today 4-6?”  A text from my boss.

“I’m not sure, do you need me to take a class?”  My reply.

“No, but if you have time, there will be seminar/classes for SAT tutors.”

My immediate response was to cringe and shy away from the text itself.

Learn how to teach (another) class?  Expand my ability, reach another level, broaden my scope?

No thanks.  I’m good with what I have now; I don’t really think I need it.

Okay fine.

Truth is, I don’t want it.  I don’t want to grow.  I don’t want to be stretched.  I don’t want more responsibility.  I just want to do what I do, what I know, what I understand.  I don’t want the burden of parents’ expectations and shining eyes beseeching me to raise their child’s score so they can attend that prestigious university of their dreams so they can feel secure about themselves in their social circles.  I don’t want it.

Yeah.  I said it.

But even as I warily circled, sniffed, toyed with the idea, somehow, somehow, I found myself at work.  Sitting behind a desk that I usually stand in front of.  Knowing I’m not getting paid for this training.  Ready with one foot out the door just in case it turns out to be too much for me.

Sitting there, listening to this guy talk and encourage and share his knowledge, I begin to feel this desire to grow, to learn, to step out from the shadow of comfort and limits.

Yeah.  Yeah.  I think.  I think I can do this.

And so it begins.  There is really nothing we cannot do.  Just what we think we can’t do.

It’s only an SAT training session but it’s a lot more than that for me, who likes to try new things as long as it’s no strings attached.  I’m excited.  Not for the the stupid SATs.  But I think I will like this, this unfamiliar feeling of unfamiliarity.  I already do.

World, come at me.  But only one thing at a time, please.  Haha.

Your turn

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s