On my way home two nights ago, I stuck in a CD a friend had made me a while ago. Man, I was feeling it. So much so that when I parked I had to sit there with the engine off and let the voice of Matt Redman permeate, invade the air. I closed my eyes and soaked it allllll up. Twas one a.m. but in that moment, who cares.
I could feel his presence. I didn’t just believe; I knew he was there. Like the way I know I have ten fingers and ten toes. It was so. Good. So so so so so so. Good.
If I could bottle that moment up, I would be a rich girl. Because there’s nowhere under the sun anyone can get this kind of peace and fullness of life. It rests deep within the soul, quenching every craving and yearning and desire. It satisfies perfectly, undeniably and requires nothing in return. All that’s left to do is be. Just to be there and to enjoy the very air flowing in and out… in… and out…. of your body giving you effortless, priceless life. To soak and take and gobble up and devour and then demand more from the hands of the Almighty who died to give us this. And it really boggles my mind how I feel like I experience, know the love and presence of Jesus in allllll the fullness meant for each day, for every moment and yet –
there’s more. Always.
So I sit there like a crazy person having this amazing Jesus-and-me moment when –
I’m rudely jolted out of my state of chillation by caustic rapping on the window. My eyes fly open to see my mom in her PJ’s, hair disheveled, face pulled in a just-woke-up-I-have-no-idea-what’s-going-on look.
“Yah, what’re you doing right now?! Why aren’t you coming in?!” Without her voicing it, “you’re weird, this is weird, I need to sleep now” follows her questions.
“Jeez, I’m listening to music and chillin with Jesus.” I hurriedly compose myself, sort of feeling like a fool because what was so precious and real to me amounted to a lot of nothing to another, something that could be interrupted without a second’s thought, broken up by irritation. Oh well. I turn down Matt’s voice and piano-playing skills, gather my scattered thoughts and stuff and shuffle out of the car, into the house.
She says the dogs were barking nonstop (which I couldn’t hear) so she had to come out and investigate. She probably thinks I’m super weird. Haha. She has no idea how not normal I am.
And that moment, that peace, that deep rocking of the soul… it’s not gone, lost or missed. I’m living in it. I’m living it.
You’ve shown me the holy freaking path of LIFE. In all its boundless goodness and perfection. In your presence is fullness of JOY JOY JOYYYYY. And at your right hand are pleasures forever and ever and ever and ever more. Ha. Lle. Lu. Jah. Thanks be to my Jesus.