Fick

le fickle fickle.

Sometimes I just know, understand, grasp certain things.  It just is what it is.  I know how to react, what to say, what to think.  It’s so easy because I get it.  And I get it because it’s so easy.

And other times.  I don’t get jack.  I don’t get what I feel, what I’m going through, why I’m like this.  And then I realize, I’m such a mess.  Such a mess.  I wouldn’t even consider it a beautiful mess.  Just a mess.  That’s me.  Haha.

I’m confused.  Not necessarily by situations or people or anything but by my own confusion.  I am confused by my confusion.  That’s a lot of confusernation going around.

But yet again.  That peace.  It’s not inside me this time.  This time, I’m inside it.  It holds me.  Bigger than my thoughts, deeper than my longings, real-er than my disorientation.

I’m letting go.

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