A nine year old boy asked me a week ago if I had a boyfriend. He also asked why I didn’t have one because wasn’t I of an age to have one?
Earlier that day, a sixteen year old girl asked when I was getting married.
Hahahah. I answered, as soon as it’s possible.
I’m getting older. I realize that more, especially after moments like these for some reason. I think before, I always thought of old-er age being so far away. Y’know, life after high school, life after college, just the rest of my life. I am no longer a youth. Hahaha.
I realize, I’m in the middle of my life. It’s… happening as I type this out. Like right now. This moment. And this one too. There is no more over there. It’s already here. It’s been here. I just didn’t think about it like that when I was young because all the time in the world was ahead of me. My age was defined by the future waiting for me. Now, I’m progressing in numbers, in decades more than single digits. It’s sandwiched between what was and what will be. It’s happening. right. now.
And I’m not missing it. I feel very present. I don’t understand much. And I don’t plan to. I hope I die with less information in my head and more life in my heart. Oxymoronic, kinda. I like where I am. The future will come and go like the past. It doesn’t wait for me and I don’t wait for it. Everything, relationship, marriage, children (yeah we’ll see about this haha), career, ministry, everything will come.
For now, Dad, give me vision. I will walk with you as I’ve been doing. I know you well enough to see you even when you’re not “here”. Give me vision so I can do this with you. You can take me anywhere, put me in any position, do whatever you want with me. It really doesn’t matter. I have it all. Really.