Crack

Crackity crack crack crack.

I’m on crack.  I feel very alert.  My eyes are wide open and there’s not an ounce of sleepiness in my mind, body and soul.  My friend brought it to me around 9pm.  It is now 2:52am.

I (re)know I cannot drink coffee and expect to ever feel normal.  When will I learn.  Happens every time.

Here’s something I’ve been wanting to do for some time: a list of things I noticed about myself.  Get to know me.

1. I brush my teeth with my left hand.  Someone once told me a while ago it strengthens the right side of the brain and I guess that’s important to me since I’m still doing it.

2. I don’t only talk to myself when I’m by myself.  I talk to other people while alone.  I say what I would say if they were there.

3. While conversing over text messages, I need to write out exactly what I’m feeling or thinking at the moment no matter how mean and raw it is.  I usually edit or rewrite it before I send it.  Unless it’s my brother.

4. I get so engrossed in books, movies and such that after reading or watching, I feel like I’m living out the plot.  Naturally, I’m the leading lady.

5. I am very drawn to water.  I can watch the ocean, a fountain, the sink faucet, a water bottle all day.

6. I like function.  I don’t like functionless things that exist for aesthetic purposes i.e. fake zippers, fake pockets, embellishment on clothes/bags/etc.

7. I don’t prefer snacks.  I would rather eat a meal when it’s time to eat a meal.  Unless it’s some kind of fruit.  I like fruit.

8. I tend to overreact.  All the time.

9. I leave my window open no matter how cold it is to listen to the air outside as I fall asleep.  Tonight I am still listening to the air.

10. I feel a very deep yearning for the unknown when I walk into Ross and see the luggage section to my left.  For many minutes I can stand there and pretend like I’m picking something for my next trip to nowhere.

11. I like to eat pb&js that I make.  Only on desperate occasions will I consume one prepared by another’s hands.

12. I am not as moved by starving children in third-world countries as I am by spiritual, mental, psychological brokenness in first-world countries.

13. I hold my pee for unnecessary amounts of time for unknown reasons.

14. I used to think it would be really cool to be a centaur.  I would have been the fastest kid at school.

15. I use one bar of soap for my body, face and hair.  Sometimes I use shampoo.  When did I become such an animal…

16. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m 23.

17. I trip over the most miniscule cracks in the sidewalk.  I basically trip over the ground.

18. I don’t take myself too seriously.  I laugh at myself all the time.  My fickleness, ignorance, inability, pride are significant sources of laughter.

19. I used to steal a lot.

20. My mind in its natural state is extremely rushed and geuphae.  I run out of the house when people pick me up because I assume I’m late.  Now you know.

21. I can listen to a cd for a month(s).  Usually because it’s Jesus music.

22. My body is unable to cope with drugs.  I forever ban coffee from my life.  Unless it’s before 2pm.

23. I hated track and cross country in high school because I was told to run.  I was #1 Complainer.  Now there’s no one to tell me what to do and I love it.

24. I know what it means to be in love.  Holla, Jesus.

25. I am addicted to crosswords.  It’s a safer drug than coffee.

26. I used to get up at five in the morn just to be awake alone.

Are you bored yet?

27. I have a midterm in 7 hours.  And I just amazed myself by how many things I came up with.  So useful.

It is now 3:59.  I.  am.  still.

Awake.  Blast.