It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face,
for you loved them.
I die. Every time. EV-E-RY TIME.
Because I. Am nothing. I am a heap of uselessness. I am not worth two hoots, not even one. I am trash, basura, refuse. Who am I? Not even nothing because nothing is still something. I’m less than nothing.
And him. Who is he? He’s everything. Not even perfection because perfection is static and measurable in a sense and therefore imperfect. He exceeds that. He. Is him. In all that he is, whatever he is.
Him and me. Me and him. I die. I die I die I die.
I’ve been going through some crazy deep stuff with my family just recently surfacing from the wayyyy past. Like my childhood, like infancy, not like the Cetacean era. Things that cannot be resolved by human words, touch, love. It explains a lot. It reveals a lot. I’m a broken human being. And out of this whole… situation, I still know nothing but peace. Nothing but thanks. Nothing but goodness. Nothing but him. Because he has spoken into me four years ago that it will always be me and him, him and me. And my heart has responded…
I can’t escape it. I’ve stopped writing entries about Jesus because there was really nothing else to write about. It’s always the same damn thing. A part of me didn’t want to bore the 2 readers that might happen to stumble upon this blog. A part of me was bored with myself, my style of writing, the same redundant way I know him. But heeeeeere we are.
Same ol me.
A tangent sorta but not really:
I picked up something from my writing professor this semester. It was really a side thing but I remembered it for some reason as I read the word yesterday. She said when we acquire something, we tend to name it and our naming it is symbolic of our taking ownership of it. So when we get a dog or cat or whatever, we name it. The name we give it is something that we give it. By that name other people will call and summon that animal/belonging. My first car was named Benji. It had been an used car and when I named it, it became mine, I claimed it. So anyway…
“And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good,and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.” (Genesis 1:3-5)
He calls the light “day” and the darkness he called “night”. This stuck to me. He created it and then he called it something. He claimed ownership of it. Well everything is already his but it contrasts another passage:
“Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.” (Gen. 2:19)
So in a sense, he’s placed the animal kingdom under our, let’s say, jurisdiction? Power? Not sure what that word would be but you hear me? And it’s kind of evident in the way we use(d) animals to survive (i.e. hunt for us, plow fields, carry our crap) and keep as our companions (self-explanatory). So we have our animals to keep, maintain and kind of control. And if that’s the case, then the light and darkness are his. So are the sky and the earth and the waters by the way (Gen. 1:8-10). All his. We can’t touch it. We’ve messed it up but we can’t teach it and manipulate it to do or be what we want. I understand there’s probably a lot of holes in my logic or whatever this is so please don’t try to understand it. This is just what I felt, learned. Anyway.
I went throughout the whole day with no idea as to what they meant for me hahah. I just thought it was cool how something I learned from school connected with the Bible.
Then on my way to work… I remembered one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 15:16. It goes like this:
“Your words came and I ate them and your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart,
for I am called by your name, o Lord, God of hosts.”
For I am called by your name. “I am called” is in the passive voice meaning I am not the subject. The verb is being done to me by the owner of “your name”.
And the owner of “your name”… sigh.
He calls me. He calls me. He calls me. He calls me.
The same sentence, different meanings. Interesting. Anyway.
So why? Why is it important that he calls me by his name? Because!!!
To give a name to something is to claim ownership.
I am his. I’ve already known this but here we are. And I am so moved.
This has been a rather long entry. If you’ve reached this far, I commend you. Seriously. I get bored reading my stuff sometimes.
Have a beautiful day yo. Or just continue whatever kinda day you’re having. He’s there.