Held

Things always become more clearly defined and valued when there’s less of it.  For me, as of late, that is time.  Monday through Wednesday is school and work.  Thursday and Friday is work with some catching up on school.  Saturday and Sunday is school work and and attempts to keep a social life.

I love it.  I don’t know if the actual not having time part or I’m just loving where I am, wherever that is but it’s good.  Every moment in between moments, I find myself so thankful.  Just… to be here.  To struggle and strive and not get enough sleep and study and work my summer away.

Sometimes as I’m walking up to my tutor kids’ doors or to class or to my car to get to the next thing, I wonder if I need to slow down, catch my breath.  But I don’t want to.  This is a completely different season from anything I’ve ever experienced.  Before, I did so much sitting, so much chilling, dwelling.  And now, it feels like those times of rest fuel my today.  I can do so much and not feel burdened or exhausted because my heart is rooted in rest and calm.  My peace lies in not the completion of work or exam scores or money earned.  It lies somewhere deep within me and I in it.

So, I am happy.  I am happy to do what I’m meant to do in this moment.  I am happy that I don’t worry about tomorrow.  I am happy that yesterday is yesterday.  I am satisfied.  Again and again and again.  Always enough and never enough.  Ha.

Happy Tuesday.

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