Stones

From Joshua 3 (or was it 4…?), the Israelites came to the Jordan and set foot in the water. Then you moved. The waters piled up on one side and all passed on dry ground. Joshua then told the twelve men from each tribe to pick up a stone from the middle of the (dry) river and and set them up on the side of the bank as a memorial to what you had done.
The whole time I was reading this, I wondered what My memorial stones were. What did I have that I could look back and show as a testament to your presence in my life? The question stuck to me and the next day I didn’t read on because something in me really wanted to know… Who are you in my past?
At prayer meeting today (which, by the way, I didn’t want to go to haha) while we were worshipping I was face down on my knees when I saw me with you, Jesus. We were walking down this path except I was the one that was walking ahead and you were turned backward placing stones down behind us. I could see in my mind’s eye our traveled path lined with stones and stones and stones. What did that mean???
Then I felt like you were telling me that each stone signified every time I ever did anything in faith. Anytime I let go, anytime I believed and trusted, anytime I came to you in brokenness, in simplicity, in hope… These things were and are the memorial to who you are in my life. There’s nothing physical and expressable (not a real word by the way) to show for it, my faith. But to you, to me, it’s real. It didn’t matter what had happened in that moment of my life, whether I was right or wrong, good or bad. What caused you to move, what pleased you, what allowed you to be as big as you really are… Was faith. When I sought your face, when I believed in you, I was always right, always perfect, always good.
I had thought memorial stones would be specific moments, monumental incidents that changed my life. But no. You are my life. You are my breath. Everything that happens between each one is a moment of truth defined by faith and always full of grace. It in itself is nothing. I realized every breath I took with you in mind, every step, every thought and desire and laughter and even brattiness, everything done with you… Created a mountain of stones of you in my life.
So when I look back, all I see, all I can see are these stones. I cannot prove it, but my heart knows where it has been. My heart is familiar with the free fall of letting go, of believing, of hoping and of grace. Your grace, through the faith you’ve given me, lines my story, my path and its weight reminds me to keep looking ahead.
I think my question is answered. Cool.

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