Hmm.  I found this as a draft from a couple months ago.  I don’t know why I hadn’t published it haha.  It’s a little sad.


June 5

A high school friend passed away this Monday.  His dad had passed a couple years back, leaving him with his mom and little sister.  Now it’s just them two.

Sunday afternoon I heard he was in a coma and the doctors said he had one night to live.  Less than 24 hours later, they pulled the plug, keeping his body alive for organ donation.

I told my mom and she grieved.  My little brother remembered him too and brought up old memories that even I had forgotten about my friend.  I thought because I hadn’t felt any noticeable emotion and change in myself that I was okay.  I thought I was grieving in my own way, that maybe it was because I didn’t feel as close to him as before.  It wasn’t until last night that I realized how heavy my heart was.

It’s interesting because I hadn’t talked to him in a couple years and we barely kept in touch.  The last time was a few weeks ago when he randomly commented on my fb wall saying I was in a dream he had.  We were so far apart til this moment and it finally hit me that he was gone.  I wanted so bad to grieve, to cry for the loss of a friend, a human being (haha that sounds funny).  I didn’t.  I couldn’t for some reason.

Today morning found me at my friend’s house for a prayer meeting.  I had so much stuff to do but… it could all wait.  I sat there dwelling in the moment, already feeling the emotions rising inside me.  As worship began, I cried and cried and cried for my friend and his family.  There was no anger, no bitterness toward the people who put him in this position, no guilt for being a crappy friend and not keeping in touch.  Just… grief of a life and death.

I couldn’t get over the fact that it was just his mom and his sister now.  So much pain and hurt.  So many answerless questions.  When his father passed, my friend promised to take care of his mom and sister.  What now?  What about the guys that did this to him?  Even if they were caught, what is justice?  What would that look like?

It’s so crazy, no?  Life is insane.

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