I have 11 minutes before class.
I keep talking and thinking about how something is changing within me but I don’t know what it is or how to explain it. Yesterday while worshiping with a couple friends, I realized what it was.
It was while singing Jesus, Lover of My Soul, the part that goes “though the world may fall, I’ll never let you go”. It’s my little secret (not really a secret hahah) that whenever I sang it, whether with people or by myself, I’d change it to “though the world may fall, you’ll never let me go”. It’s not a big deal haha it was just the way I felt, the way I perceived my God. I felt that everything was pure grace. I knew that if he didn’t do it, then no one could or would. I was, in a way, just a product of grace, given to the way I believe and love God because of him, not by my human choice. Am I making sense…
Then yesterday, when we sang that line, it came out the way it had originally been written… “I will never let you go”. And I felt the fullness of that statement. I already knew that I was here by pure grace. But there was a new-found prerogative and depth of my heart that knew that my choice did matter. God can do whatever he wants, really, and I can fall away and stop loving and believing in him. But today is the day that I say, I hold on with my will, with my faith and pursue him with my strength and heart and soul.
I feel empowered, for some reason. I guess because my desires and thoughts and words, as a daughter and a lover, do matter to the Almighty. I feel less like a manufactured creature and more like… a human? Hahaha I don’t know.
I have 0 minutes til class hahah gotta gooo. Happy Tuesday.