I Am Not Paying Attention In Class

I forgot which song on Power106, but in the midst of the raunchy lyrics and cheesy confessions, one line caught my ear:

“I want you to want me.”

I had to stop a second because it was probably one of the deepest lines I’d heard on the radio since… ever haha.

It’s not “Take your clothes off.”

Not “Dance for/with me.”

Not “You’re hot/beautiful/gorgeous/lovable.”

Not “I have to have you.”

Not “I want to give you everything.”

Not “I want you,” or even “I love you.”

It’s not even “Love me.”

To want someone to want you is to disregard your own want. All the other lines above are about the person delivering the message. “Do this for me because this is what I want,” or “I think you’re _________, therefore I want you,” or even “This is what I want to give to you.”

To me, “I want you to want me” says that the person uttering it can’t and won’t make a move until the one being spoken to wants him. Because everything hinges on the object of his wanting. It’s crazy because there is so much depth in that kind of desire. The kind that is paralyzed by the heart of another, that can’t exist or move according to its own nature.

Am I making any sense here? Haha.

To want someone is easy. To put another’s desire higher than obtaining or satisfying one’s own is another story. It’s a lot of dying to oneself.

For all the Christians out there, sound familiar? Hahah. This entry wasn’t meant to go this route but it’s all one thing in the end, isn’t it? To love God is all he ever wants and wanted and will want. That simple.

Going beyond that, I think it was important for me – no, it was life-changing when I realized that his love for me overcame even his desire for me to desire him back. What does that mean? It means he would rather me do what I want, say what I want, be what I want, than to love him. Sounds crazy, huh?

Because to place a law over me to want him… would be defeating the purpose. To place anything other than perfect unconditional freedom to love him my way would paralyze me and tie me to the law that he abolished and fulfilled. Why would he do that? He wouldn’t.

This is why he wants me to want him and not simply give him what he wants. If it is not so at the moment, he will wait. And wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait… Because my desire is that important.

His love expressed to me is the liberation of my heart to choose. And today, I choose him.

Happy Thursday.

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