Just doing my usual semester final review procedure of going through every website that I can think of, scrolling through as many things as I can so I can prolong the pain of actually doing work.
Of course, I found myself scrolling my own blog (I am a self-admitted narcissist, btw) and came across this:
I am happy. Here’s why.
– I’m breathing
– I’m alive
– I’m loved
– I love
Hahaha that’s a pretty crappy list. So vague and not interesting. Anyway.
I have no resolutions. I only know Grace of January 2013 will be unrecognizable to Grace of December 2013. Haha. I say that in more than faith because that’s how it seems to roll every year. Nothing remains the same yet everything remains the same. So I’ma just chill on that. Cool.
There is one thing that I do want. But it’s not in my hands and I’ve long since let go. It’s scary to admit it to anyone but myself and Jesus and close friends. I used to be paralyzed by the idea of it but I think I’m good now. As usual. Give anything time and I realize how okay I am. No worries mang haha. Love it.
Here’s to another year. Bring it. Yeyay.
This was written on the 3rd day of this year. I cannot express how I feel right now lol. Because I just discovered I am a fortune-teller. Lol.
It’s true. I do not know who Grace of January 2013 is. She… is so far from me. I can’t remember how she thought and believed and hoped and loved and lived. And yet I don’t feel like I lost or forgot any part of myself. How do you forget to breathe?
Anyway. I can’t believe it’s December. I can’t believe… another year. I can’t believe…………… This is just… life. Hahah. I wish I could meet January Grace and see what she thinks about December Grace. I wonder what I would think about January Grace. I wonder if we would get along.
I want to ask, is this what you expected? Or imagined? Is this who you wanted to be? Thought you’d be? Are you satisfied? Or are you disappointed? Annoyed? Do you think December Grace loves life the way you did? Do you think December Grace is stupid?
I guess I would ask the last one because… I find myself asking that presently lol. No self-pity, though, forreal. Just straight up. I feel stupid and naive and prideful and jaded. I’m not sure where this is coming from but. December Grace is happy to be here. Really. It’s just that I don’t think January Grace would have ever expected the current state of December Grace. Okay I’m done talking about myself in the third person and as two people.
One thing though… I don’t regret. Or “ragret”, not one letter. Lollll. (Watch We’re the Millers, btw. Hilarious.) I promised myself I wouldn’t, couldn’t live less than what my heart dictated… so I guess I answer my own question. Grace, you are not stupid. You’re not smart either though. Lol. You are just you, and you are accepted. Cool.
I am not only a fortune teller but also a self therapist.
Anyway. Back to writing the stupid paper I love so much.