I feel like I’d been standing in a vast forest. I’m standing on one leg with my other leg poised in mid-air. I’m scrutinizing, examining, measuring the best, most right, most perfect place to carefully place my foot and move forward. Everything about it is still, born out of a subtle fear of disappointing… someone. There is no movement, as if all the forest is holding its breath, waiting for me to move, to decide. Just waiting… as I’m waiting.
And then I learned. I realized. I was doing it all wrong. I was failing in my fear of failure. This forest, this vast vast forest is waiting to be discovered. Waiting to be run through, jumped within, explored, turned inside out by a hungry heart, hungry hearts. Fearless hearts that don’t apologize, hesitate, or stale. Courageous hearts that roam, wander, and pursue.
There is a world waiting to be experienced. And I want to run. I want to head straight into it. Because I learned… the someone I was so afraid of disappointing… created this heart. This curious flawed hungry heart. And I want to embrace the fearlessness, the yearning for more. And this someone would love nothing more than for this little girl, his little girl to step into her full form, to grasp the depth of his world, heart, adventure. To stop apologizing, to stop asking for directions when the way, truth, and life exist, thrive within her.
And so, here I am. Reckless? Maybe. Irresponsible? Maybe. Irreverent? Depends. Uncompromising? Yes. Haha! Never thought I would revel in that. It was always a fault, until now.
And now, I’ve let go. And now, I can say, let’s go.