What I learned this summer

I learned that when I say “I don’t have time to ____________” I’m really lying to myself and to whomever I said it.

I learned that when I say “I don’t have time to ____________”, it really just means, “I don’t want it bad (enough).”

Why?

Because I learned that when you really want to do something, genuinely, you find a way. You really do. Okay, not the absolute truth ahah because when you really don’t have time, you really don’t. But eventually, even then, your heart wins out and you always return to what you really genuinely wanted. Or,  you don’t, and you crystallize into an unhappy human being, bitter from not fulfilling the heart’s desire. That sucks.

And so I also learned that the heart is quite the compass. Everyone has one, not everyone uses theirs. This is sad on two counts.

One. God is silenced.

Two. Man is left to face an insatiable hunger for something real, raw, inexplicable to fill himself up.

The heart is a serious organ. It is fully capable of being destroyed, ripped apart, broken, trampled on, neglected. It happens everyday. You see it on TV, at work, in your home. It happens corporately and individually. This capability prevents individuals from pursuing its desires, from moving outside of its known territory.

On the flip side, when nurtured, nourished, strengthened, empowered… it can move the world. It can heal, uplift, persevere, set free. And so so so much more. This capacity, although so appealing, requires a step into the unknown… and it requires certain uncertainty into what could be, in the end, the other above-mentioned result. And that, is scary.

I don’t know how I got to this lol. I just wanted to talk about time management. But to me, I can never escape the fact that the heart drives everything. We think we have no time? Check the heart. Face the fact that it really is not a true desire. Or, face the fact that we are not really acknowledging it because… ultimately, were scared. We’re scared of breath, of life, of hurt, fear, rejection, disappointment – all real things. Just, should we credit it with enough realness and weight to keep us from what’s really real?

I don’t want to. I really really really don’t want to. This life, I only get one. Just one. One breath, one chance. Even as I write this, I only get one chance to sit here and say what I want to say in the way that I want to say it. Haha. I only get one chance to do it. Second chances? They’re still the one chance, they still require stepping out, letting myself be driven by the heart.

Oh God. What am I talking about. Lol. TGIF.

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