Ramble

I did an impromptu survey at work about chemistry and compatibility in relationships. I was curious as to what people thought was more important or necessary. I pretty much got the same answer all around but this one summed it up nicely:

“Chemistry gets you started, compatibility keeps you there.”

– Mr. Marchand (If you’re reading this, holla! Ahahaha you’ve been featured on this amazing blog!)

Anyway, this was a question I’ve been pondering on. Not gonna lie, I’ve been on a dating app for a couple months now. I feel like such a noob, which explains why I go around asking questions shamelessly exposing my noobness.

Regardless. I’ve come to the realization, as with pretty much all other questions and ponderances (not a real word) I have about life, that some things are learned only by experience. Lol. What an epiphany, Grace. I mean externalities, like others’ advice, experiences, etc. can help shape our own experiences, but ultimately, we have to feel and taste it to own it.

I think it’s so interesting how sometimes it’s all chemistry and with others it’s all compatibility and with yet others it’s a combination of both to varying degrees. I think that’s so cool. It can be a little cruel too because we have to find out what’s on the other side of the door, what works for us (and what doesn’t), which can sometimes end in heartache, heartbreak, and general suckiness.

Makes life interesting though. You just don’t know, ya know? For me, it makes me throw all caution out the window. I want to know what it is. “What ifs” are challenges to me. I don’t want to know what would happen if I played it safe; that would just end in a lot of… would’ve/could’ve/should’ve and didn’t-happens. I want to know what does happen when I do, open myself up, let go. For me to be me, do me, and let everything else move around that. That interests me, intrigues me. I want all of it, the rise, the fall, the crappiness, the beauty.

The possibility of the outcomes excites me more than the outcome itself. Is that weird? I don’t know haha. The process, yeah, that’s what gets me. As times passes, the possibilities fall away and reality unravels and forms. I want to meet each moment, each person, each experience without meddling hands that attempt to form a manufactured idea of perfection. I want… to meet everything with a malleable heart, a fearlessness for the unknown, even for brokenness. To me, that’s perfection. There is no brokenness in that. Just fullness, goodness, freedom. For me, at least.

Anyway. That’s a bit of random rambling on a Saturday night. Life is interesting, no? Exciting. Leaves me breathless.

Barcelona update: Visa is in. All paperwork pretty much done. Flight booked. Payments still being made. Blah. But everything is falling into place I think. I’m ready. Lol. I just want to explore, and be explored. I think I’m going to learn much about myself. The unknown always draws me. Let’s do this. T-53. Bahahha. Too crazy.

I officially cannot create complete sentences. Back to my marketing paper, which is about online dating services lol. That would make for a very interesting blog entry, my friends. Dear Lord.

Happy Saturday!