As the little circling icon moves indicating WordPress.com is loading, I hope my internet is down and I will be relieved, forced to walk away without writing. Unfortunately for my reluctance, the internet is working and here I am.
I haven’t written in a while. I almost feel like I’ve forgotten how. I feel like I’ve lost my voice, or rather, it’s changed, and I don’t know how to use it. The voice of the past clashes with the voice of today and I think fear, yes fear, champions my absence on my own blog. I’m afraid to be me because the me I know today doesn’t seem to align with the me I had been. I sound so dramatic and even as I typed out the last sentence, I felt the eyeballs of my soul rolling at my sensitivity and timidity.
I don’t know exactly what has changed that makes me so pansy. I really don’t haha. But I want to break the silence and remember that I am human and evolving and imperfect.
It feels good to use my words, to string them together the way I want to, the way I know how.
Anyway, I think I’m good for today. Welcome to my re-grand opening. Lol. Those signs on floundering restaurants always made me laugh and here I am, using that phrase to describe this entry.