Zero

It has been a very interesting past few weeks. A very hard few weeks.

Breaking up with someone is never easy. It hurts like a mother and lasts like it will never end. I don’t know where to begin.

Except maybe here. I  know I tried my best and I know where I messed up too. I sucked at being in a relationship and failed and learned and that makes it a success. Lol. In some kind of weird way, it makes it worth it all. Sounds so lame when I type it out. But it is what it is.

I have zero ragrets, not one letter. Lol. And I think, I hope he feels the same.

I walk away not bitter nor angry nor afraid. I walk away feeling humbled and… satisfied, in a way. I know that sounds weird but it’s an inexpressible feeling to know there is nothing else I could have done. It’s time to properly grieve, move on, and keep climbing.

Don’t get me wrong, it makes me sad at times to think about the good stuff, the plans for travel and the future, the laughter and inside jokes. But it’s part of it, isn’t it? Shit happens, life hurts. I embrace all of it. And I don’t want to be hardened or try to harden myself in any way to avoid the possibility of it happening again. Of course, I wouldn’t do it the same way again; with each experience comes a little more wisdom, a little more tact, and a little more understanding. It’s just an opportunity to approach things a new way.

I’m glad to be here. There’s so much I’ve learned I can’t even start writing about all of them. I just know I’m going to be okay, and so is he.

I’m feeling terribly vulnerable right now because I’ve never shared like this on my blog. But this is coming from a desire to write, just to write. I realized how important writing, or just articulating my thoughts, is to me and I want to do it freely. I know people like to draw lines on what to share and not to share and I think for me, that has hindered me a little. Maybe I’m foolish for talking too much, but it’s very difficult for me to talk and not say what I want, what’s on my mind. Those who know me know this. And maybe I’ll never share like this again, maybe this was all I really needed – just to knowcan say what I want to say. I don’t know. I just want to write. To remember and reflect and wonder and expound and alla that.

Anyway. Here’s to life. Here’s to everything good and everything difficult and everything real.

Happy Sunday.

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