Alone

The first hours of the day have always been sort of sacred to me. When I was a kid, my mom would wake up at 5 to pray, read the Bible, get the day started. I picked that up over the years (not necessarily the praying and Bible reading part) and it’s become a part of me.

In high school, I would wake up at 5am although my first class started at 8. There really was no reason for it. My homework had been done the night before. But there was just something. I would shower and get ready for the day. And then spend time alone in the silence reading… or I don’t even know what else I did.

Today, I wake up at 5 to run or work out and then just… be alone. I realized I don’t speak a word until about 7. I consider those two hours so important to me. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’m existing just as I am lol. I don’t need to communicate anything, I don’t need to do anything or be anything to anyone. I do exactly what I want to do.

And I love leaving the house when it’s dark, when no one in the entire neighborhood is awake. It’s just me and the pavement and the street lights. I run without my contacts so I can’t see a thing; I just trust the route I’ve run so many times before. I still trip and almost fall sometimes, which makes me wonder why I run when it’s so damn dark. But I’m always brought back to the fact that it’s my time.

Sounds selfish. But it’s probably the best thing I can do for those around me. Because when I’m happy, I go out of my way to make others happy, whatever that means for that person. My senior needs to get this, this, and that done by noon? Done. My brother needs help with his paper? Done. My mom wants to talk about all the little details that happened in her life yesterday? Done. Lol.

Anyway. I had decided last night I would produce something today and this is it. In the wee hours until leaving for work, I got to write. It’s not much but it’s satisfying in a way. It’s nice. Hahah. I need to work on my vocabulary.

I leave you with this:

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. – Andy Warhol

Not the whole truth because time does make a difference, but I’ll take it because I run the day today.

Happy Tuesday.