Study diversion

Sitting here with my head hurting a little, the eleven essay prompts I need to be either working on or studying, and a relentless desire to crawl into bed… I wonder what the rest of my life is going to look like.

I want so much to do something good in this world. It doesn’t have to be big. I just want to move and move others. Or I just want to travel. And experience life from the other side.

When I was working to get the internship, I had no idea it would turn into a job. I was super excited and eager to learn.

Now that I’ve been interning for five months and have a job lined up next month, I wonder where this will take me. I’m still eager and excited. But the question is the next step. I’m not satisfied here. Not that I won’t or don’t enjoy where I am. I know I want to do something for myself. I never saw myself as a business owner but I want to create something. I want to start something – an adventure that means something to me.

One of the things I want to do is write. I really really want to write. And it makes me laugh because for someone that really wants to write… not much writing is being done. Lol. I have ideas in my head, floating around, entering main stage of my brain but never being executed. Not sure what that’s about.

And then there are so many other things in my head, like how do I want to present myself? Where do I want this blog – or anything – to go? Do I know what I’m doing? Do I have anything worth offering?

I do think I have something to offer. I just don’t know what exactly it is and what it’s worth. I don’t know what needs to happen. But at some point, I won’t be here, wondering. Nothing will ever be 100% figured out and I’m used to that. Someone once told me it’s no fun to know the ending. And that is very true.

Happy Friday Eve!

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