After working in the same office, parking in the same lot, opening the same door, returning to the same desk and cubicle at 8 am, leaving at 5 pm every day for about a year, I realized I do much better for myself when I’m not doing the same thing every day. The internship allowed me a taste of the other side of things, where even if I’m in the same office for a few weeks or a couple months, I won’t be for long.
I really enjoy not having my own little space – the entire world is my little space. I like carrying everything I need. I can go anywhere and get work done. I like the freedom, the non-routineness. I like having to figure out how to get to different places – well Google Maps does that for me lol but I still choose to stay on route or not. I like the sense of not being on autopilot. I like entering new domains, meeting new people, being uncomfortable. It’s weird how little I knew myself. Or how much I’ve changed.
I remember myself as more of a homebody, someone who prefers to stay within the known, the familiar. I remember myself as someone who doesn’t like being uncomfortable, who flees from uncertainty, the possibilities.
As things become clearer, I realize I run from the certainty, the cautiousness, the routine. I flee from the thought of becoming too familiar with familiarity. I like doing things the way I want when I want and I know now that that is always changing. Maybe this makes me seem unstable or inconsistent lol.
But as things become clearer further still, I notice that even as I prefer non-routine, I unknowingly and paradoxically live each day doing the same things. I read a chapter from the Bible each morning, my running routes all start in the same direction, I connect my car to my favorite Pandora channel before kicking it in reverse, etc.
Thinking about it though, even these routine things are done differently every day. I jump around books from 1 Kings to Psalms and very rarely somewhere in the New Testament. I start each route the same but the mileage differs day to day. My favorite Pandora channel fluctuates between Snakehips, tango, Bach, and Atmosphere.
Lol, and I’m brought back to the same place. So basically, I like different things every day lol. I am always surprised when I hear people who enjoy going into the same thing every day, keeping the same routine day in, day out. To each his own, right?
I feel like this post is all over the place. It was kind of a stream of consciousness. Interesting. Not as structured and conclusive as I would have wanted but all good. Maybe it’s because I was interrupted in the middle of the post with my Lenovo crashing, reasons unbeknownst to me. I’m at the mall right now after getting it fixed aka rebooted by the Microsoft guy lol. Thank the good Lord for wifi everywhere nowadays.
Happy happy New Year’s Eve eve!