I keep reminding myself to remind myself to take inventory of this past year. At the beginning of the year, I remember telling my friends 2016 would be a year of decisions.
Honestly, like so many other things, I have no idea why I said. But the fact that those words came out of my mouth validated itself. It must have come from my bones, from my blood, my innards. Hahah that’s morbid. So I told them and whoever asked about my New Year’s resolution and the more I said it, the more it made sense for some reason.
Then Korea happened and that really did something to me. I had a lot of time to myself and I read “Conversations with God Book 1”. I learned that, of all the things I do and say and act and pursue, I have 100% accountability over it. I have 100% choice in what my day, actions, thoughts look like. Seriously.
Maybe I’m a neanderthal for coming upon this so recently but everything in its time, right?
I make my choices. And that – opened up a universe within. I was no longer a victim, a by-product of life. Things can happen to me and I can decide how I want to approach it. I can decide how it affects me, how it doesn’t affect me, and what I gain from it. Bad things can happen and I can decide. Good things can happen and I can still decide. I am the owner and maker of my fate.
This doesn’t discredit the existence of God and the Almighty Being That Is. In fact, I think it validates and honors that. I am created by the Almighty, every cell and molecule, every thought, desire, trait. And now, I take everything that has been vested in me and seek the higher, the better, the Good. The definition of these are meant for another post. But basically, I find myself in partnership with the universe and my God to be the best, to be everything I was designed to be.
He can ask no more than what I’m capable of – if I can claim that it’s my choice to make. And I can ask no more of him than the continued guidance and wisdom to make the right choices. You see how it all works out?
But if I don’t make choices, there is nothing for Him to guide, steer, and teach. If I don’t take hold of what has been gifted every day and determine my course, I strip Him of the ability to validate my choices or provide insight to turn my course. The past few years were full of questioning God and asking Him to take me where he wants to go when I hadn’t even decided to get off my ass and trust what He has already spoken and created within my heart and soul. It’s like I was forever waiting at a fork in the road whining for some sort of sign and direction to pick one over the other. It’s now, at 27, that I know God doesn’t make those choices for me. I do.
And so, like I said, at the beginning of 2016, I knew it was going to be a year of decisions – or rather, my innards were sick of inactivity and being served the dregs of life rather than pursuing the possibilities and Goodness and purpose waiting to be unleashed.
Looking back, I have failed every single New Year’s resolution until 2016. Every diet plan and behavior modification and personal development – utterly failed. Because those things lie at the surface under which the fundamental understanding of the power vested in me needed to be understood and internalized. That life is not a journey I’m forced to go on. It’s a journey I command, and that in itself is the fulfillment of the journey.
On deck is my good look at 2017 and what I want out of it, what plan I have to get closer to where I want to be.