True and False

Things I grew up believing that may not be true. Actually, they aren’t, at least not in their entirety.

• Everyone needs to go to college.*
• You need to go to a reputable university to be worth something.
• College will teach you about life and how to succeed.
• You’re going to regret the scars from playing too hard. It’s not ladylike.
• You’ll need a stable job, probably in a cubicle to be an adult. Or a stable job is the indicator of adulthood.
• What other people think matter in the long run.
• What other people think matter in the short run.
• What other people think matter.
• Life is about helping others.**
• Your metabolism will maintain lightning speed until infinity and beyond.
• If you suck in high school, you’ll suck the rest of your life.
• Religion = spirituality
• Church and church attendance = spirituality
• Being feminine is to submit. To submit is feminine.
• Femininity is weakness.
• My friends/people I’m surrounded by define me. Yes I really thought like this.
• Parents know everything. They have your best interest in mind.***
• If you want to be rich, you have to heartless. If you want to do something good and “heartful”, you won’t be rich.
• Writing can only be a hobby in life.
• I don’t have enough and will forever be working to make up for it.
• I’m not going to make it.

Lots of things have changed. Lots. I’m proud of this journey, proud of delving into the very things that caused fear in me. It took years of being real with myself, gritting my teeth, and seeking truth above anything else. Those years were the hardest, next to my high school years haha. It hasn’t stopped — it’s now become a daily practice, one I don’t even think, doubt, nor withdraw from anymore. Understanding what I had believed for what they really are — mostly opinions, wounds, fears — has probably been the most liberating experience in my life.

And here we begin.

* Although I think this holds for some, in hindsight, for me, it ultimately stunted my growth to think for myself, to truly reflect and understand myself. I used it as a crutch, rather than a catapult, thinking that if I’m here, I’ll at least get somewhere, anywhere, not really thinking deeply and critically about what makes sense to me. I found myself during my least active years of schooling.

** It starts with me. I helped myself, and found the desire to fulfill the compassion and love within. It’s inevitable. And it’s taught me that first and foremost, life is about Self and our respective experience. When I learned to love and recognize myself as a person of value, I turned outward. It begins here and stays here. Even when we feel good about helping or encouraging someone, it’s really about us. We’re experiencing compassion and love for ourselves. The beauty is that when we recognize Self, we turn outward.

*** Their intentions are our best interest based on their best interest and knowledge. They want what they understand to be “best”, which may not truly be our best, what’s best for our person and being, not just for our being their daughter/son. This helped me understand that they’re not out to get me (haha) when we started clashing in my adult years (beyond adolescence and hormones). We simply have different perspectives and understandings. To embrace that creates room for deeper relationship, regardless of varying intentions.