Tomorrow is Monday.
Very good, Grace.
Every day is busy. So very busy. I wake up before the sun to train, then head to a cafe. I want to say I work at the cafe, but not all my cafe activities bring in income so I don’t want to say that. Regardless, every day is planned, crammed to the brim with stuff I want and need to accomplish. I’ve been learning to better prioritize and plan but that’s for another post.
I read, write, work (more like struggle) on my dad’s website, work on freelance proofreading, brainstorm for my copywriting class. Then I meet with people for coaching and sometimes to catch up in the evening usually, after they’re done with work and school.
Sometimes I struggle with my planner trying to figure out how I’m going to spend my day. There’s only so many hours. Only so many lines I can fill out with to-do’s, must-do’s, goals, hopes and dreams hahah.
It’s a game of tetris, a strategy. It seems like there are more things getting stacked every day. I don’t know how I’m going to get through everything most of the time. Honestly, I let some things go because I just don’t have the bandwidth to do it.
But one thing – no matter how busy my weeks are, no matter matter much I have to sit and figure out what needs to get done, no matter how much I have to be put on hold for website support, no matter how little time there seems to be, I don’t dread Mondays.
I don’t dread Mondays. I said that one more time for emphasis. Because I think ever since I was involuntarily enrolled in kindergarten, somehow made it out of high school, then college, then into the work force, Sunday evenings were painful. Hell, Sunday afternoons were crappy just thinking about Sunday evening which would be spent dreading Monday lol. My life.
There’s something about owning my schedule, owning my priorities, deciding what needs to be done, how it needs to be done. Now, whether that’s financially sustainable is another question, another post hahah. But I am seeing it firsthand what it means to be my own boss. I understand why people say they could never work at a job, be on someone’s payroll.
Being your own boss requires an entirely different dimension of purpose and ambition. This purpose is derived from within, not from external authorities, responsibilities, goals, etc. It comes from and needs to come from me.
I dictate that. I dictate how far I want to go, how fast I want to go. It requires my commitment, my active involvement. It involves a level of risk, stepping off the ledge now and then, managing consequences, and working directly with the things that get me the outcome I need and want.
I heard recently that my time, energy, and attention are my wealth. Where do I want to put it?
It makes so much more sense to me now that I’m on my own. I have a limited amount of the three things and where they get spent is my decision, always. It changes the way I think, the way I approach things, the way I value things.
A part of me is scared. Really scared. I don’t want to fail. Sometimes I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. But I keep going, each day. I do my best with what I have. I find myself overwhelmed, then I learn to manage it, at least for that moment. I flounder with a task and then find better ways to approach and complete it, more efficient, more effective ways. I set goals, fail, then set better goals each time next time. I learn to go with the flow and to execute.
I think that’s the best part – the learning. I keep learning. I keep going. I keep breathing and remember I’m just me. I keep breathing and remember my dreams, the potential I believe in me. I keep breathing and toss out all excuses. I have no time for them. I just want to live.
So I love my Mondays. Because Mondays are just the top of the week, the week that I set out every Sunday evening to own. It’s another chance, another opportunity.