This damn challenge – 12/100

This challenge is getting harder and harder. I was already horizontal on my bed, blankets up to my ears, eyes shut… I had given up, saying I was just going to let today go by without a post. I told myself it’s okay and to have peace about it. It’s about being human and okay with it. Yeah that didn’t fly, as you can see.

With an exhale, I pulled back the covers and got my laptop out.

At the very least, I want to say that this challenge is hard. I shouldn’t have underestimated it. It’s a challenge. For a reason.

So here I am, sitting in the dark, in my PJ’s, ready to pass out and recover from sleeping at 2am last night finishing proofreading a report.

My day for tomorrow is planned and written out in my organizer. But the thing is, I don’t think I remembered to leave a section for blogging tomorrow. Damnit. Possibly another blog post to be completed right before bedtime. I need to plan better.

I should also put together a list of blog ideas. Because it’s the shittiest feeling to face a blank draft… completely dry. I try to recall my activities for the day, the thoughts that ran through my mind, the laughter, the destinations, the purpose. But nothing stands out.

Not because nothing stands out. But because I am now horizontal in my bed, chin tucked into my chest, eyes fighting to stay a quarter open… my brain is slowly shutting down. It’s about to go on strike…

But wait, my mind says, you’re only at 267 words, you have 233 to go.

My heart says, shut up, it’s not about the numbers.

My mind says, but you made a commitment..

My heart: damnit.

——-

And then I fell asleep. I’m finishing this up the next morning. Reading back to what I wrote as I drifted off to glorious sleep makes me laugh. Being horizontal and writing definitely do not go together. Of course, I know this, but… I was weak. Hahaha.

Also, I think over the past couple weeks, I’ve been struggling more and more with waking up. I began to make an effort to get in bed by 10:30 so I can get 7 hours of sleep. It’s hard though.

And then I started putting on an extra alarm… and another… and another. Now I have four. I never thought I’d come to this point hahaha. I always felt disattached (not a real word lol) from those whose alarm app was scrollable with all the alarms needed to wake up at a decent time. And here I am, humbled to my bones with my four alarms. Lolll.

I realized this calls for a change in my schedule. I try to wake up at the crack of dawn so I can work out and have a good chunk of morning to write and read and learn before moving onto other work i.e. helping with my dad’s website, proofreading for people, etc. But it’s too damn hard. Even when I do get up early, I have, at most, 3 hours of morning to dig into the things that really matter. And I’m tired as hell because of the ungodly hour I woke up at and the workout. So I think it makes sense to set my alarm for a little later, around 6:30 or 7am, starting off with my morning routine at home, then working out in the afternoon.

That way, I can get reenergized for the day, preserve my mornings for creative work that require a lot of mindfulness, and not kill myself trying to wake up. I don’t know how it’s going to affect the rest of my day but I think it’s worth a try. I’m really not about the four alarms lol.

Anyway, posting this a day late but all good hahaah. Challenge has been met, in terms of volume lol.