My mom asked me a couple weeks ago if I ever thought of my FAH (first adult heartbreak). I thought a second and replied, No.
That is one of the most refreshing and reflective moments I’ve had in a while.
No, I’m not broken over the heartbreak. No, I’m not dwelling on the past. No, I’m not angry, bitter, resentful.
Yes, I feel pretty damn whole. Yes, I feel free and wild. Yes, I feel amazing and unstoppable.
It feels awesome to be where I am. Because it took hard work. It took self-reflection, getting way real with myself, to the point I felt uncomfortable. I squirmed in my seat swallowing the truth because it was nowhere close to what I thought and wanted to be true.
I don’t know why she asked that so randomly. But it made me realize how far I’ve come, as a woman and a person. It gave me a chance to step back and acknowledge that I am my greatest asset. And I just saw some of the greatest ROI ever.
Spending that time on myself, talking with people that I respect about it, learning from my mistake, accepting the truth even though I wanted to punch it in the throat, struggling and pushing through my cavern of thoughts and fears… I have to say, those moments that I could have pushed away, dismissed, ignored, and downplayed were the ones that bring me the most clarity and understanding today.
It would have been so much easier to pursue and believe what I wanted, that my ex really really did love me, that he just didn’t know what he needed and wanted, that I wasn’t that hurt and broken. But I had my best friends, my therapist, my mom, and others that related to pull me up and gift me with perspective, wisdom, and company.
I guess what I really want to say is:
- You are your greatest asset. Don’t underestimate yourself. What you see right now isn’t what you’ll see XX days/months/years/decades later. You are a work in progress and the more you get real with yourself, the more the universe gets real with you. Invest in your growth and person, your character and perspective. It will teach you how to be, who you are, and how to live. When you own yourself, your story, your destiny, nothing can stop you. Not even yourself.
- Surround yourself with good people. If you’re unable to identify and/or keep good people, that’s okay. Refer to #1 and work on that. You will attract people who match your energy and outlook, people who are interested in your good, sometimes even more invested in your good than you are because they see something you don’t. These people have your back and prefer to give you the truth than make you feel better. They are called no-bullshit human beings. And they love you.
So, that is my reflection for today, inspired by a passing conversation with my mom from 3 weeks ago haha.