Excuses suck because I know they’re bullshit – 25/100

As my birthday approached this year, I felt a few different things. I was a little anxious, a little restless about my life, where I am, and, more often, where I’m not.

But the closer it gets, the less I feel anxious and restless. Interesting.

As it gets closer, the more I am clear on what I want to focus on – definitely not on what I don’t have. To be honest, it feels like shit’s getting real. Hahahahha. Wow. Talk about late bloomer, right?

Seriously though. It’s become so much more about what I already have, what I want, what I’ve always known I’ve wanted. It’s become so much more about the people I know, the people I get to share my life with. It’s become so much more about the heart, the soul – and the universe.

I feel less and less that I’m doing this thing alone. Not in the sense of people helping me out as I go. I mean, that too – but even deeper than that. I feel like there is something out there and something within that won’t let me go. That takes care of me, of every element of me. I feel that I am known, that I am not a floating driftwood in the middle of the bigass ocean. I feel like a damn ship with full sails and a badass crew.

There is so much to explore, not just out in the world, with my senses. But within. There is so much within to test and understand, to embrace and experience.

I still struggle with my insecurities and fears, mostly fears of my inadequacy. But sometime in the past year or so, I’ve become so much more aware of my adequacies – no, that’s not the right word. I’ve become so much more aware of my authority over my life and the potential to take it where I want to.

And that’s another thing I’ve been working on – breaking my current wants and limitations, and pushing myself to want greater, higher, deeper, just more. It kills me every time because it scares the hell out of me. It really does. Everyone talks about dreaming big and going after the things we never imagined would be possible. Whenever I see motivation porn on Instagram, I feel a sense of excitement and wistfulness.

And then when I actually do it for myself – I meet the Great Wall of Fear and “Are You Sure?” and “I’m Pretty Sure This Isn’t Meant For You”. Usually, I would turn back around, and shrug – this must be life.

But this past year, not so much. Somewhere, somehow, I’ve become aware that my greatest limitation is myself. And I refuse to be my excuse now. Because excuses fundamentally suck. Let me tell you why.

Excuses are bullshit. But the true reason they suck is because we know they’re bullshit. And as conscious beings, the fact that we buy into something we know is a big fat scam is debilitating to our whole selves. It strips us of our ability to move, to believe in ourselves, to get real with ourselves. We are chained to a false reality, one we’ve created for ourselves. And I don’t know about you – I really don’t want to live in that. I really don’t see myself living in that. I see something better and realer and cooler (hahaha) for myself.

So, I’m taking the last two years of my 20’s by the horns. I’m done with excuses, I’m done with self-degrading, self-repression, self-neglect. I’ve been done, actually, but I’m proclaiming it now. Because once I say it, I can’t take it back. And I’m going to say this is my truth for now til, not just the end of my 20’s, but til eternity. Yes, MF eternity.

Now let’s do the damn thing.

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