I write weekly emails to a group of people. The topics of these emails are mostly about life, life lessons, musings, things that I feel help me become the better version of me. If you’d like to get on the email list – click this! Or if you just want to read this week’s email – click here!
This week’s topic was about being nice. I wanted to talk about it a little more because I like talking and it’s an interesting topic.
It’s interesting to me because we are primed to pursue niceness. And it’s the baseline of decency. What do I mean by that?
Over dinner with a couple of my favorite people, Angela and Rha (her last name), the topic of this week’s email came up and how we use the term “nice”, how absurd it is that we talk all this shit about someone or something and at the very end, slap on, “but he/she/it’s nice”.
I find that hilarious. It’s as if his/her/its being nice negates everything preceding it. As if, all of our fury and passion and feelings toward something are mitigated, diminished, subdued by the niceness of something. As if, in the end, that’s what really matters.
And it’s funny because – some people do live and breathe like it matters. It’s the reason people stay in relationships longer than they should. It’s the reason people tolerate situations, circumstances, other human beings longer than necessary.
It’s a deep insult, in my opinion. At least if you’re going to be unhappy about something, be fully unhappy about it. Don’t sugarcoat that shit like you’re trying to sell it to someone. The only person that’s going to eat it is yourself.
So why do we give so many craps about nice? Why do we work at trying to be nice? Why are we so moved by nice people? There are so many other things to work toward, which I talk about in this week’s email so I won’t mention them here.
I think people have a hard time being real with themselves. They prefer to appear nice over being themselves. And people who are naturally nice… well, many times, I find them unbearably dull. They lack personality and umph, which I think are essential to living a good life.
I’m way more interested in people who are truly compassionate, intuitive, and bold in their actions and words. People who are willing to shed the pretense of pleasantness to put out what is true and real. I’m way more drawn to people who are unapologetic. At first glance, it seems these kind of people would steamroll over anyone that stands in their way, obstructing their opinions and personality.
But I find these people to be the most humble. I find them way more in tune with their humanity, which is always linked to humility, openness, and connection. It’s not about this front, it’s not about an appearance. It’s about life, truth, and perfection in the imperfection.
They understand life is so much deeper, darker, brighter, more energetic, freer, more purposeful in its raw state. It’s something to be felt, not done. It’s something to breathe, not perform.
This post is a declaration to the past Grace that thought being a good person meant being nice. Just let it go. Dig deeper within your soul, don’t be afraid to pay attention to the things that matter, and to pass by the things that don’t. Because in the end, what’re you going to do with the nice actions and words you said?
They’re in a pile in the back of your mind rotting because there was no substance in them. There was no life. The people around you deserve so much more – they deserve all that you really are, nice or not.