Everything and then some – 49/100

Life can be

Shitty
Imperfect
Lonely
Depressing
A prison
Painful
Annoying
A struggle
Excruciating
A war
An uphill battle
Calamitous
Chaos
A maze…. or labyrinth

And

Life can seem

Purposeless
Empty
Never-ending
A drag
Impossible
A pain in the ass
Like hell
Unnecessary
Unfair
Spiteful
Full of fear
A dead-end
Boring
Confusing

Somewhere along the way, I began to change my mindset about Life. Things changed. I began to think…

Life is

Crazy
Full
Perfect
A journey
An intersection
An individual experience
Family
Friends
Exhilarating
Exciting
Awe-inspiring
Meaning itself
Subtle
In yo’ face
Sweet
Delicious
Savory
Hearty
(where did all these food adjectives come from haha)
For me

And

Life is full of

Possibility
Freedom
Connection
Joy
Abundance
Good people
Beauty
Mystery
Creativity
Intrigue
Serendipity
Spontaneity
Little things
Rich lessons
Overflow
Surprises
Road trips
Sexiness
Power
Empowerment
Destiny
Fearlessness
Courage
Integrity
Genius
Meeting of the minds
Laughter – endless laughter
A-ha moments
Opportunities

Things have changed.

To say the least haha.

During the changing, shifting, transforming, I realize so deeply how much I received the reward of the journey by enjoying it – in every moment, in every encounter, every epiphany, every stumble, every rise.

I don’t know what’s ahead – or I have an idea and the shadows of the future can only be dispelled with progress – but looking back, I know it’s going to be nothing short of incredible. I just feel it. Because I never imagined I’d ever be this happy, this full, this empowered, this alive, excited, seen, loved.

It’s not one person. It’s not one experience. Not one encounter. Not one thing, relationship, or moment.

It’s the whole damn thing. The whole damn thing makes me explode inside. Even in those moments my vision is hazy, my morale is low, my willpower is fizzling out… I laugh inside because it’s all part of it. It’s all part of it. The weaknesses, the fear, the doubt, the work I choose to put in, the struggling with decisions… everything.

I wouldn’t move an inch forward without those moments. The fact that I have the ability to decide what to think, how to act, what to do, what to say – is everything. Because in those moments, I know I have the choice to laugh at it and keep moving, believing in myself, the universe, my God, my destiny – or relinquish my heart, soul, and mind to despair and loneliness.

I’ve done enough of that for too many years. It was high time for a change, no?

And I realize now – everything I need, everything I want is within. So close, yet I was so blind. I don’t blame my blindness. I accept my portion, my journey. It took me this long and that was the only way it could have gone. And that is okay. That is greater than okay. That is perfect. Just the way it is.

The reward is not being where I am. The reward is that I was present in every moment. That I am truly here now because I was there every time. I faced it, loved it, embraced it, and allowed it to become my blood, my air, my breath – me.

That is all.

Life is – everything I’d ever imagined it to be. And then some.

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