I’ve become more and more obsessed with myself in the past year.
I’ve become more and more interested in seeing myself grow, in building myself up, and seeking the higher, better, stronger, deeper parts of myself.
To reach the grandest version of myself, my superlative.
What does that mean? What does that look like?
Those are legitimate questions but I think the better question to ask first is – What does that feel like?
Because the grandest version of me could look like so many things, and it will. I will experience the grandest version of myself in different ways with different people at different times through different encounters and endeavors. It could look like anything.
I could drive myself crazy imagining all the ways it could go down. I could drive myself crazy assigning words and images to everything I want to accomplish. It could look like speaking on a stage of 1000 people. Or it could look like speaking on stage of 10000. Or it could look like speaking on stage of 10. Who the hell knows?
But I do know what it will feel like. It will feel expansive like no other. It will feel exhilarating, freeing, adrenaline-filled, like the fulfillment of dreams. It will feel, in that moment, like I’ve reached the pinnacle of who I am. And that’s generally a boss-ass feeling.
I know it will feel like victory, glory, and power. So I focus on that. I focus on how my heart, soul, and mind will flow in moments of seeing the culmination of hard work, dedication, and sold-out-ness of all I am. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. It really doesn’t.
Sure, they do mean something. There are, undeniably, differences in reaching 10 and 1000 and 10000 people. But all of that mean nothing without our personal ROI, the sense of creation of our purpose and destiny. It’s the fulfillment of our heart’s desires and vision that determine the level of the grandest version of ourselves.
And it can look like anything.
Screw the numbers. Screw the perks. Screw the attention. Screw everything in our mind. We can’t put a number, a dollar sign next to the truth of delivering to the world exactly who we are, exactly who they need to show up.
Because when we do, only we will know what that feels like. Getting to that point – and there will be many many points in our lifetimes, never just one moment of achievement – will be determined and truly enjoyed by us.
Those who support us in our endeavors will revel in their participation of our journeys and those who are affected by our work will be enlightened and raised closer to their grandest version of selves. But only we will know – experientially know within every vein, every molecule, cell, and nerve of our bodies what that feels like to us, the creators and pioneers of our paths.
So, nowadays, I focus on what it feels like to know – experientially know the grandest version of myself. I’m not a fortuneteller. I can’t put down or even pursue a number, although I do set goals with concrete numbers so I can track the journey.
But I know, what will drive me there is nothing else but the sense of completion and realization of who I’m created to be, who I create myself to be in pursuit of my superlative, the most everything of all I am.
What are you pursuing? What does your grandest self feel like?