Illogical and magical – 84/100

I’ve been working on putting together a program/course. I’m currently working on the marketing material. I’ve always had an issue with marketing. It’s an iffy topic for me because it makes me feel sleazy, a little insincere.

But right now, as I’m putting this thing together, I’m seeing a different side to things. I realize that I’ve always sold myself short. And the only person that suffered is me. I always mitigated the risk of failing by setting the bar low enough for me to do alright. Just alright. You know, like mediocre. Or something like that. Or like underwhelming.

And I’m realizing that it’s so much more than that. I realize that when I portray myself like that, less than my superlative, it affects how I perform. It gives me permission to not show up fully.

It means I’ve created a buffer for me so I don’t have to extend myself more than is comfortable. It means I partially serve, partially participate. Essentially, I don’t have a high expectation to deliver. It means my clients shouldn’t expect too much from me.

That is sad.

That is a really sad way to live, let alone work and serve. It speaks so deeply of fear. It reeks of fear.

I noticed this while looking for a synonym for “strategy” using thesaurus.com. I caught myself thinking, No, I can’t use these choices because that makes me sound like I’m too sure.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. HELL?!??!

Yes – those words went through my mind. And immediately I opened an empty blog post to talk myself through this issue. Because this is big for me. Because how I do anything is how I do everything.

That’s disturbing haha.

How do I deal with this?

I think I have to go back into my depths of where this all started, where I even got the guts to create this program. I have to remember that somewhere in me, I believe in this. I really do. I know this post up to this point seems to indicate otherwise but I know when I step back, drop down into the quiet place, I remember why I started this.

I remember where it was all birthed, the quiet expanse within, the creative energy that became too strong to deny. I remember the feeling of what it would mean to reach people, to be able to teach people about themselves, about their truth, about their limitlessness. I remember feeling what it would be to share the sense of intense peace, confidence, strength, and purpose with others.

I remember feeling unbound. I remember believing that this matters. I remember that I’m not the only one feeling the way I did back then, wanting to feel the way I feel now.

I remember. And I laugh now. Because it seems like my brain, my logic is dead-set on destroying everything inspired, afire, life-giving.

And that has been my greatest battle these last few days or weeks, actually. A constant volley of “truth” in the form of rationality, sanity, and sense.

Ironically, it’s driving me crazy.

It’s the remembering that brings me back, that revives me. It’s the limitless potential, the aliveness of inspiration and hope, the quantum leap from possible to impossible made possible.

It’s the remembering within, the acknowledging of the inexplicable depth, passion, and purpose. Everything that can’t be measured, logically processed, and rationally understood.

Alright. Back to marketing stuff I go. Less do deees. Because I have some illogical important shit to deliver.

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