There is something crazy happening.
You can’t tell though.
There’s just something crazy happening within. That’s all. I can’t put it all into words, partly because it leaves me too vulnerable. I want to explore it more, I want to taste it further, get lost in all of it.
But one thing I can tell you, is how it feels.
Whatever’s happening right now feels like
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m off my rocker. Maybe maybe maybe.
Maybe I’m not.
What if I’m not crazy?
What if everything I’m feeling is actually true?
That would smash everything I’ve known out of existence.
That would turn shit inside out, upside down.
And it would bring me home.
Is this sounding crazy to you at all?
It still does to me.
But if there’s one thing this crazy journey has taught me, it’s this – if it’s not crazy, it probably isn’t true.
If it doesn’t make me lose my breath, skip a heartbeat, trip up…
If it doesn’t cause awe, wonder, exhilaration…
If it doesn’t inspire, compel, convict…
If it doesn’t make me want to share it with every freaking person I know…
If it doesn’t flow madness and passion into my veins…
If it doesn’t allow me to thrive and flourish in all that I am…
If it doesn’t do all of those things… I can’t trust it.
Because I’ve found…
Truth is a drug. It is a decision I make to get addicted. And once hooked, there is no other way to live. Everything else falls away. None of this shit matters.
Truth is a lover. I fall deeper into it, wanted to explore it to no end, wanting to know it in the deepest parts of me.
Truth is a home – for all of us. It houses our souls, not by force or strength. But by being. We get to decide to reside here. We get to leave to venture, to question, to ponder, to get lost… and we are always welcome home.
Because truth has no agenda. Truth just is. When we are ready, our hearts and souls, sometimes beat by the happenings of the world, the pushing and pulling of our lives, the friction of pain, hurt, and loss…
When we fall exhausted, spent, stripped…
When we feel there is no where for us to go…
When we feel there is nothing else for us to do…
And the simple realization that it has always been here, it has always been faithful… it revives us.
It reminds us that the answer we seek is nowhere but within us. We are vessels. Every. single. human. being.
Strip the titles, financial status, social status, possessions, worldly involvements. Strip it all. It scares the shit out of some people. Many have lived in the world, thinking the world we can touch, taste, see, hear, and smell is everything.
To strip away everything we’ve been trained to value, love, and desire would be to unveil the emptiness of those very things.
People would lose their minds.
But maybe that’s the answer to everything. To lose our minds.
To drop back our hearts and souls.
To realize that we are not just beings that go with flow of life. That we create the damn flow. That we are the flow.
What would it take for us to realize this? What would it take to not only know truth, but seek it relentlessly? To behold the beauty of truth on the canvas of every heart and soul on this planet?
To get lost in the grandiosity of it all. To find ourselves in the letting go. To gain our bearings and security in the free fall.
What will it take?
Because when my life took a complete turn 9 years ago, when I experienced the most massive truth of my life at that time, I didn’t think I’d end up here.
I didn’t realize the truth I was graced with then was… a scratch. Half a grain of sand. The ray of one star in our galaxy.
Every day that I sought truth, made it my prize, my hope, my pursuit, I had no idea how available it was. That it just keeps freaking expanding.
And instead of feeling overwhelmed that I’m on a journey that never ends, that I’m on an odyssey whose destination is the odyssey, I am only even more enamored, hungry, relentless.
I want to lose my bearings. I want to lose my mind. I want to come home to truth.
And in my desire, I am home.