If someone were to ask me how I’m doing, I would answer with a big smile – Awesome. I’m doing awesome.
Actually, that is exactly how I answer nowadays.
Every day my most prevalent thought is: I love my life.
How is this possible? Nothing in my life is set. I feel so lost in so many aspects. I feel like I’m pushing against myself every day. I feel like I have to fight myself and coax myself to do the simplest things. I know if I fail, it won’t be because of laziness.
But anyway. How can I say so solidly, such bold words? Because to me, they are strong statements. In the past, they were blasphemy.
Life is supposed to be hard. Life is supposed to be a struggle. A rush for a place on the platform. A negotiation between man and divine.
And then there’s this.
It almost feels wrong. Well it initially did, because it was foreign to me. I got used to it. Actually, I practiced it. Every day.
Every day, I practice remembering that life is a good thing. Life is a gift. Life is damn beautiful.
Everything that says otherwise is a lie. Of course, you can tell me that that’s a lie. But did you know truth is relative? Your truth isn’t The Truth. The Truth simply is. It needs no explanation. Just discovery by those willing to look hard enough, dig deep enough, yearn long enough.
You can tell me that I am a crazy person, that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I will tell you that you are 100% correct. And I will also tell you that I never intended to be 100% correct by you.
And actually, I never intended to be 100% correct by me. That was a tedious and painful lesson to learn. Maybe even more tedious and painful than detaching myself from the ideas, thoughts, expectations of others.
My life thus far has been a journey about finding Truth. And it’s currently about making that Truth mine. Just kidding. It’s about how this life, my life can be about The Truth.
And I’m finding that Truth is much simpler, much more beautiful, much less strenuous than I ever expected, than I was ever taught to expect. And you can substitute Truth with Life and get the same meaning.
This life I’m living is the expression of whatever it is I believe. If I believe life to be difficult, that is my truth. And so shall my life be. I will constantly go against the grain, be up against the wall, feeling trapped in the hell of my own mind. And that’s how I’d been living until a few months ago. It’s been a process in the past year or so, but I would say it’s become more reality recently than before.
Truth (with a capital T) is the underlying fact that what we believe, we live. Whatever it is we believe, so we shall see and taste and know in our human experience.*
But from where I stand, with the grace to be where I am, living this life as a gift, I can say that I am choosing to live a life that makes sense to me. A life that makes me proud to be alive. Maybe I’m just crazy. HA.
I love my life. Do you love yours?
* That’s not to belittle or disdain the lives of other, less fortunate human beings, experiencing political and economical unrest across the planet and within the US. Hell no. I am, in no way, undermining the lives of others struggling to survive and saying that’s their decision. I hold that aspect of life in genuine respect and honor because it’s an unfortunate part of the experience on this planet.