The day has come. My 100th post.
Not my 100th day.
More like… the 173rd day.
You know what I love most?
It’s definitely not that I can barely recognize the person who wrote the first post. It’s not that I feel like I’ve grown so damn much. And not that I’ve come sooooo far and look at me now.
Here’s what I love most.
I just went back and read that post and the next four posts… and they sound like me. Just like me.
In fact, the author of those posts sounds even more badass than I feel at this moment. Ha!!
You’d think I’d look back and be amazed by my progress.
What amazes me right now is how much I’ve known. What blows me away is how much truth I find in the words of Past Grace.
In this moment, it’s not about growth. It’s the realization that holy shit, everything I need and everything I want is within me – already.
In this moment, it’s not about progress. It’s the acceptance of what already is.
And that… that feels like coming home. That feels like I am exactly where I need to be. Exactly where I want to be. That feels like I belong right here. right now.
All the answers are within. All the answers are already known. It’s simply up to me to decide to listen.
Here I am, Present Grace, feeling a little sensitive, uncertain, even a little anxious about things. And there I was, Past Grace, channeling badassery, exuding certainty, wisdom, and insight, some of which I seem to have forgotten in the present.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like those posts are life-changing or transformative haha they’re just my ramblings, thoughts, and musings – nothing new. But there’s just something that makes me realize that I know more than I know.
And that’s powerful. It’s like… I’m encouraging myself. Hahahaha. Like I’m speaking to myself. And even more interestingly, I receive it. I appreciate that maybe I’m not as clueless as I think I am. I’m not as… lost and blind. Hahaha.
That sounds pathetic, right? But here’s my saving grace. I know I ain’t the only one. I don’t care what anyone says. We are in this together. We are all humans. We all feel. We don’t selectively feel perfect all the time.
We cannot feel good without accepting, not just experiencing the bad. And if you choose to disagree, there’s a term for that – numbing.
I’ll be the first to say it – yeah, me, the transformational coach. I am imperfect. I struggle. I hurt. I doubt. I fear. I know anxiety. I know uncertainty. I know what it feels like, trying to make the right decision every. single. fucking. time. I know what it looks like to judge myself every day and be my harshest critic.
And yet, here I am. Showing up, even if not every day on this blog hahaha. But I’m showing up. For myself. For anyone else this can speak to.
What I love most about this challenge.
I am not alone. I’m here even for myself loll. I know so much more than I know. And – this part makes me giddy – the same goes for you, my friend. You have all that you need and want in life. It’s all within. Yep. It is that simple, if you let it.
Last thing – this is an excerpt of my first post of the challenge. I laugh and invite you to laugh at the hilarity of what I thought would happen and what actually happened.
Also totally unrelated –
I thinkI’m starting a 100 day writing challenge. My goal is to write 500 words a day 100 days straight. The 500 word part, I made up so I have a goal each day. And none of this oh-when-I-feel-like-it blog posting. Because I like to write. And I think I may even be good at it and possibly have a chance of getting better. And if this is something I want to do in my life, something I want to get better at, then it’s going to take some work. Because I want to be writing things that deserve people’s attention and thoughts and it wouldn’t make sense to expect that from people when my writing could be better. Just saying.
I know it’s going to be a challenge – hence the name lol. I anticipate some days where I will feel crappy and not want to write. But it’s now or never, all or nothing. Haha!! So dramatic! And who knows, maybe I’ll come away from the 100 days and realize my writing got crappier. Or that I actually hate writing. Lol. A journey of self-discovery. I swear that shit never ends.
Here’s to whatever’s next. Here’s to MF Life. Thanks for coming along the ride. It wouldn’t be the same without you.