Sometimes, I write to come to myself. I always start with where I am, physically e.g. I’m in Miami. Then I go into my mind i.e. I’m thinking about ____________. Then I drop into my heart i.e. I’m feeling _____________.
And that’s scary sometimes because I have no idea what’s going to come out. And I really want to share my thoughts on my blog but sometimes I scare me. Sometimes my vulnerability scares me. And I hide away. Because these are things I can keep to myself, things that I can feel safe about. Things people can’t judge if they don’t know, right?
And when something scary does come out in my writing, I brace myself against the resistance that rises. And then, I already know I’m probably going to post it. Because I’ve found… don’t resist the resistance. Let it point the way. And then go. Just go. Because resisting is hard. Resisting takes so much work. It requires so much energy, brain capacity, rationalizing, running away, covering up, euphemizing (not a real word)…
But what if we all just let go? What if we all cut the bullshit and just let ourselves be?
What if there was no difference in the person we are in our minds and the person we share with the world, show up on social media?
What if the world knew you’re really a jackass? A total bitch? A selfish human being willing to hurt others to get what you want?
What if the world knew that you are truly just trying to live, survive, get by? That the thoughts in your mind paralyze you every day. That you hurt so much you don’t know how to think. That all you want is some goddamn peace and hope.
What if the world knew that you are a human being?
What if we all stopped trying to cover our shit up? What would that look like? What would that feel like?
I think we’d be operating at a very different level of humanity. I think we would realize how close we all actually are. And that actually… maybe we are so close, we are all just One. We are one humanity seeking happiness, love, and purpose.
Because now there are no barriers. There is nothing behind the wall – because there is no wall. There are no reasons for us to fear, there are no reasons for us to hide in shame and guilt.
We would realize how much we all belong. Yes. How does that sound?
We all belong.
With each other.
We have a place, you and I.
What does that feel like?
That feels like truth to me. I feel it in my gut. I hear it in my heart. I know it in my soul.
For you and for me.
I was recently published for the first time and when I read my post again (I am a total narcissist when it comes to my writing haha) I realized I had said I would show up. Every day. I said I would show up no matter what, even if it hurts, even if it causes fear.
I haven’t really been and I’ve given myself space for that. But I just want to say, that showing up is fucking hard.
Because even now, I’ve cut out a part of this writing that made me feel too vulnerable, things that I just… don’t want to share. Because I think it makes me look and feel shitty. It’s nothing crazy lol, just my financial situation. Perhaps I’m the biggest hypocrite here haha!
So kudos to you if you are showing up. And kudos to you if you’re not. Because you’re probably going through something that’s bringing you back home to yourself. So you can show up.
And when you’re ready, the world will receive you.
That is all. Happy Friday.