Since I made the shift back in March to go broke and align myself with what I truly want to do, I’ve been educating myself. I’ve signed up for classes, joined empowerment groups, attended conferences, bought books (I’ve even read some of them heehee), etc.
It’s so interesting, I’ve been raised to learn what I was taught. And at the very end of the system, I was left to my own devices. I wasn’t taught who I was, how to think, how to be… All I knew was that I didn’t remember anything I’d crammed into my short-term memory bank for exams. All I had was a stack of stapled papers written 2am the night before the 8am submission. Oh… and a piece of beige stock paper printed with pretty, official type telling me I completed a certain number of classes in a curriculum that was supposed to teach me about doing business internationally. There was even a ceremony that took place to give me that paper where we got to dress up with gowns and hats that we will never touch again. Those ceremonies happened twice, once when I was 18 and again 8 years later.
And I walked away without a single clue about who I was. Well, all the processes and searching and learning about myself that did happen during my years in school happened – always happened outside of classrooms.
It’s so interesting, I’ve been raise to learn what I was taught.
I wasn’t really asked what I wanted to learn. And looking back, I wasn’t able to articulate it because I didn’t even know such a thing existed. It wasn’t part of a “normal” curriculum. It didn’t exist in society, at least not the one I grew up in.
And now, after 26 years in the system, I am educating myself in the things that matter to me. It’s amazing to me to experience the level of commitment, engagement, and desire that occurs when I’m in an environment learning about things that make sense to me, things that I want in my life. It blows my mind how alive I feel when I realize how much the things that I’m learning mean to me. These are things I can apply to myself, to others, to my life, to my career.
I used to feel bad that I couldn’t give enough shits about school, grades, participation points, exams… I did give enough shits about my dignity to get B’s all across the board and get into a decent university, even for the sake of upholding my family’s honor (lol).
But not enough to be excited, to feel alive, to feel hope, to want to exhibit courage in pursuing education and growth in that area. Not enough to invest my heart.
I feel lucky. I feel lucky that I get to learn about things that matter to me. I feel lucky that I get to look within, ask myself what the hell I even care about, find out what it is, and then do something about it. I feel lucky that I have choices, where before I didn’t even know I did, or that there are actual resources for the things I want to learn about. I feel lucky to be surrounded by like-minded and like-hearted (I heard that word for the first time yesterday and I’m using it now) human beings who want for themselves what I want for myself.
Maybe I’m late, maybe I’m early, who gives a shit. I am where I am and this is MF perfect. Even my past education. That was perfect the way it was. It’s just not how I choose to learn today. It’s just not what I would choose to learn today.
I’m glad to be here. I find no lack where I am. And honestly, there is never any lack. I’m learning that. In my new education.
Disclaimer: This is not to talk shit on anyone else’s educational experience. This is just what it was for me and what it continues to be. Power to you and power to me for continuously learning and growing.