Permission

Gooooooooooood morningggg!!!

Damn it feels good to be alive. It feels so good to open my eyes another morning, breathe another breath, make another breakfast smoothie, pack another lunch, and get ready to own this beautiful beautiful day of this crazy amazing life.

Immediately, I feel a sense of gloom-and-doom. Because life can’t always be good, right? Because bad things usually follow the moment I become aware of the goodness. Because life is about struggle and suffering and only in those places I can grow and become wiser… so I can expect this goodness to not last.

I shouldn’t hold onto the good so dearly, right? I shouldn’t look forward to it, be eager and excited to taste it because there’s a lesson waiting to happen around the corner, and the lesson is usually some form of reprimand for enjoying too much.

Fuck that.

I’m done with this inaccurate fortune-telling habit I’ve carried all my life.

I’m done with shriveling up in pity and fear when the sun shines a little brighter.

I’m done with diminishing the flow of love, faith, hope, desire, courage, purpose, passion in my life, heart, and soul – for fear that it will be stopped abruptly and I’ll be left with the residue, only to be remembered wistfully.

I’m done with lying to myself.

Because I feel good.

And – here’s the kick – I deserve to feel good.

I deserve to enjoy this life – completely, fully, wholly, absolutely.

I don’t care what others say anymore. I don’t care what I’ve been taught.

I want to be happy. I want to laugh and smile and then laugh and smile some more at the fact that I’m laughing and smiling.

I no longer believe the doctrine that I need to suffer and endure in order to become a better person. That shit happens anyways. That shit just flows through my life anyways – why go expecting and waiting and suffering before the actual suffering even happens??

I am becoming a better person by choosing to live. I am becoming a better person by listening to my inner person. I am becoming a better person by trusting the God who made me so perfectly, so deliberately, trusting that he lives and thrives in me. I simply choose to be a vessel that is grateful and happy and gracious in life.

I give myself permission to feel good.

I give myself permission to live well.

I give myself permission to laugh in the face of fear.

I give myself permission to hope.

I give myself permission to love – myself, the world, this life.

I allow life to happen. And so far, life seems to want nothing but happiness and freedom for me.

Don’t get it wrong – it’s not about the material things, not even the financial things. Those are coming too, but my entire 28-year journey has culminated in my understanding that I am created to live out the love and freedom that exists in every cell of my body.

It is absolutely delicious.

So yes – Goooooooood morning.

It is another damn day. Another damn adventure.

I am happy to be here – in a way that I’ve been longing all my life without realizing. I am happy to be happy.

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