No mo FOMO pt. 2

GraceJ_047

FOMO was a real thing for me. It loyally guided most, if not all, of my decisions in how I spent my time, shared my energy, focused my attention.

I gravitated toward people, experiences, and places that I felt, if I could just get in their vicinity, I would feel more whole, happier, belong-ed (not a real word).

I imagined that there was something out there that I lacked, something that was missing in my life. I would show up after taking so much care about how I dressed, what I looked like, thinking through how I would act…

And I would leave at the end, feeling a sinking sense of misery and loneliness. I would ask myself why I even went, what had enticed me.

The next day, I’d make the same decision again, choosing to be around people that I didn’t truly connect with or care for, experiencing moments that didn’t touch or inspire me.

It is so ironic that it was the sense of feeling like I was missing out that led me to those places and moments. And every time I walked away, I felt like I was missing something even more, more deeply, more painfully.

The emptiness was killing me and I didn’t know what to do.

Until I realized what was missing.

Me.

I was missing me. I chased and pursued everything outside of me, thinking it would satisfy. I thought other people and enticing events would complete me, or at least part of me. And I was so oblivious to the fact that… I am the center of the life and world I live in. Without me, there would be nothing for me to experience the world with, not one more person, not one more moment.

I thought I wasn’t enough, cool enough, exciting enough… and I sought it everywhere else.

Until I came to a quiet place, a deafening silence that humbled me and unveiled the truth.

I am Enough. I am Good as I am. I am Perfect – perfectly designed and perfectly loved. As I began to delve deeper into myself in solitude, I found that everything fun, exciting, curious, hopeful, loving, and inspiring resided in me.

And over time, I released my FOMO. It was a natural movement. If I am full from life, experiencing all of me and my existence as a crazy adventure, where could I possibly go to seek and satisfy my heart? What could satisfy a perfectly content being?

I stopped showing up in lack.

I started showing up in overflow.

And that made the entire difference. People began to gravitate toward me, feeling a certain way when I’m around, listening – actually listening to the things I say. And I realized, I never have to show up to another event, another coffee meeting as if to fill a void within. Anytime I show up, it will be from a place of strength, completeness, wholeness and anything else I get out of my experience will be a bonus, courtesy of the universe.

Where are you showing up in lack? Where are you hurting to be filled and satisfied?

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