Sometimes… I feel this powerful intention, a surge of desire and even emotion, come through. And I know it’s not me and it’s all of me.
I know I’m not alone yet, I am one.
I know there is something there. Something there… so deep… so intrinsic.
In these moments, there is no fear because it is infinite, eternal, perfect. It does not mean there is no vulnerability. It does not mean the state is impenetrable.
It just… is.
This sounds so cheesy. But in these moments, I feel like I’m meant for so much more. Like where I’m headed, my dreams can’t even follow. Like where I’m destined, I can’t even begin to fathom.
And all I can do is be here, be fully here, completely open and willing. I can easily dismiss everything as a false hope, as a myth of the mind.
I can… but now… why would I?
Why would I deny what I’ve wanted all my life?
It’s not necessarily greatness that I want, nor recognition nor power nor material things.
It’s not even greater relationships.
It’s just that what is is so much greater than I’d ever thought.
It’s like we spend all our lives running from this because we want to be “safe”, “secure”, “belonged”.
We run from our destiny, the volcanic magnificence and power within… and all along, we want more.
This longing is the residue of the manifestation of dreams and intention already within, waiting to be birthed in truth and grace and love.
And so many of us are afraid. We’ve resigned ourselves to this physical world. As if everything we can see, hear, smell, taste, and feel under our hands is the extent of reality.
But even if these things were taken away, we would still exist. Perhaps in even greater depth and height than with those senses. Because we would come face to face with the truth of who we are.
We are infinite eternal beings. Fully purposed and backed by universal intention of Love.
We are beings created for Freedom. We soar within already and it is only in our minds that we chain ourselves with burdens of roles, expectations, rules.
We yearn for more within and it is only in our minds that we give in to ideas, thoughts, and expectations that do not matter.
So many of us suffer death every day… thinking death only happens when we lose movement in our bodies.
Losing movement in our hearts and soul, supressing desires, dismissing hope are expressions of true death.
“Everyone dies, not everyone lives.”
To walk this earth with no feeling, no purpose, no aliveness in our beings… that is worse than being laid in the ground.
But many of us do this. We forget the souls we entered this world as. This is why we seek meaning, higher purpose no matter where you go in the world, no matter what language is spoken, no matter the color of skin.
We have a reason to be here deeper than anything our minds can comprehend. If that scares you, maybe it’s time to start letting go of constructs, rules, boundaries, limits, and walls that have created the idea that what is out there is destructive, to be feared, shunned.
If the idea of soaring free, high and far, makes you tremble within, you know, perhaps, just perhaps, there’s something here for you.
That the deadening noise of the world can wash over you and you remain untouched. That the current of the world can run its course and you can simply choose to remove yourself. That you are greater than they’ve ever let on.
You are your hope, you are your light. No one is coming to save you.
I’ve feared sometimes that people from my previous religious affiliation might read this and call me heretical, label me wrong.
And I understand now, there is nothing wrong.
There is nothing wrong with being.
There is nothing wrong with seeking truth – relentlessly, ruthlessly, doggedly.
There is nothing wrong with fighting for Freedom. And that is not meant to offend, as if to say being outside of organized religion is Freedom. But the ability to choose is Freedom. And that is why I am where I am.
That is why I feel so lost sometimes, looking around, seeing no one around me, seeing my lonely path, wondering where I’m heading, only knowing where I’ve come from, the way I’ve come.
That is why in these moments, I bow down to God, the Universe. I am brought to my knees, humbled even more than before every time… because I’ve learned to surrender – more than anything else. That is my greatest gift, my greatest talent. To surrender and surrender and surrender and surrrender and surrender… and surrender.
Because I cannot draw God closer. I cannot change what already is. And in the realization that the God I have been searching for all my life is One with me, residing within me is the moment I bow down. Not in a self-glorifying gesture. But in complete and utter humility to the greatness and perfection that lies within, God in me.
In these moments, I honor all That Is. And I breathe deep, breathe fully. Because in this life, there is nothing more than that. This moment.
We find poverty of heart and soul when we relinquish our moments to the judgments and decisions of the mind. We experience destitution at its worst when we leave our ability to choose what we want and desire at the table. We face our greatest destruction when we surrender to the reign of the mind.
Because we are meant for more. We desire to go somewhere that only our hearts and souls can take us. That has never changed. And it’s never too late.
It is never too late.
It is never too late.