Explorative, True, and Transformative
Those are my three words for 2017.
Looking back at the past couple years, I recognize the level of effortless commitment I experienced in finding and living my truth. And that involved stepping out of my comfort zone, leaving behind things that I felt no longer served me or my evolution. Every decision to leave something behind created space and an opportunity to explore and truly find out – what is true to me? I was able to seek and pursue knowledge and experiences that I had once condemned as blasphemy or ungodly. I gave myself permission to try and know for myself. My curiosity and hunger for knowledge and experience overran my obligation to consume information and strategic learning (i.e. professional certifications).
And I tried many different things in 2017.
- Feminine Empowerment and Leadership group
- Direct mail copywriting online course
- Advertising copywriting class in Santa Monica
- Amplify conference in Vegas for entrepreneurs
- Ayahuasca ceremony
- Online program to create online program
- Catalyst Coaching Intensive
- Reiki healing
- Pole dancing intro classes
- Energy work and clearing
- Business and Mindset Intensive in Miami
- Soul-Centered Living Program at University of Santa Monica
I’ve met some amazing people through these events and groups. I’ve learned so much about myself, my interests, curiosities, and gifts. It’s like I’ve finally found the treasure trove of things I’ve wanted to learn and they are all available to me. It’s like, in leaving everything I’ve ever known, I’ve found myself. I’ve come home. And I’m going to keep coming home because it never ends. The exploring, the venturing, the digging, excavating, soaring, discovery. I welcome it all.
The more decisions I made according to what felt right to me, the more I began to experience what felt true to me. The more I experienced what was true to me, the more true to myself I became. It became easier and easier and easier. Until it was just like breathing.
I watched myself become free and freer, with my actions and words. Filters and rules fell away. I began to say things without thinking. Sometimes, they wouldn’t be so PC, so appropriate. But they were always true. They were always real. I always meant everything I said.
I never regretted anything I said, no matter what I said. I don’t know exactly how that works. But if something is true and it is spoken in love, then, from my experience, it could never go wrong. In fact, truth and love don’t exist without the other. I’m sure many people will have something to say about this and that’s okay. I’ma do me.
I’ve found how fun and liberating it is to just be me. And I’m still learning and growing in this aspect. I’m finding joy is allowing myself to be seen as I am, inviting others to join the freedom I enjoy every day, every moment.
I guess this is a bit redundant. The other two words speak of transformation. I chose this word without thinking it through I guess because I felt like 2017 was one of the most transformative years of my life. I’ve never felt more free, more me.
Steph, a friend I love so very dearly, whom I met three or four years ago, said last week over coffee, “You are the same person I met 3/4 years ago, but you’re just more you now.”
Blows my mind.
Couldn’t have said it better. Perhaps a better word would have been Unfolding. Life is much less about having shit together as it is about letting shit happen, letting shit go. There is something so intensely beautiful and messy and powerful about it all. If only we let it.
And 2017, I let it. So many things didn’t make sense. So many things, I could not justify to others, and sometimes even to myself. And yet, I allowed. That’s all. I allowed things to be what they are. I stopped trying to attach meaning to everything. I stopped pursuing. Stopped yearning. Stopped wishing.
And I started living. That sounds like ULTIMATE CHEESE. Lol. But I did. I chose to live, every single day. I chose to be grateful and happy, finding peace in the moment between moments. I found freedom in what I have, in who I am, rather than getting lost in everything else around me and everything that doesn’t exist, the sense of lack and not-enough-ness.
And in the midst of living, I could help my evolution, transformation
Somehow, everything fell into place. And here we are. 2018.
So many years after I had once given up on myself. So many more moons, holidays, birthdays than I thought I’d want to see.
And it just keeps getting better, only keeps getting better.
I am content. I am pleased. I am complete.
2018, I welcome you.