Continued from 2/100.
Was there something more perhaps that kept me alive?
Something that I knew deep deep deep deep deep down within that wanted to keep living? To keep trying?
Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. Truly.
Every day today is so full and complete and happy.
I cannot imagine living another way.
But for many years, I did. I didn’t know another way.
I felt like the ultimate loser.
I won at being a loser.
But even then, there was something.
And I couldn’t stop til I got it. Even if I didn’t know it back then.
Even if I died trying.
A decade later, I did. I got it. And it all makes sense.
So lovely how much sense it makes.
The point of all this… is no point.
I just want to talk. I just want to recount where I came from.
And that when my high school reunion came around, I was scared but excited but scared but excited.
I didn’t have any vengeance or anger or resentment for those years.
Pure beautiful excitement.
Because revisiting high school was a win for me, to be able to go back to the place I had despised so deeply with hope and eagerness was a gift to myself.
A gift ten years in the making.
Because it’s been quite a journey. Quite a ride.
And I’m proud of myself. Not just for making it, but more making it fucking amazing.
For questioning everything.
For doubting and then choosing to believe.
For pushing and pulling and finally surrendering.
For wanting, desiring, yearning, and then finally becoming.
For allowing life to be what it wanted to be for me.
It’s a powerful feeling. An addicting one.
I guess you could say I feel a little unstoppable.
Or just unstoppable. Haha.
Because that’s what I am. And so are you.