Can’t sleep won’t sleep – 9/100

Time is 2:26am. New day. New blog post.

I woke up around midnight. I knew immediately I would not be going back to sleep for a while. I still tried to fool myself by keeping my eyes closed and breathing long and slow.

I eventually got up to pee. And somewhere along the way, I realized I hadn’t eaten dinner. But I wasn’t hungry. Or maybe I’d gone past the hunger.

After peeing, I slid back into bed asking the gods of rest for mercy.

They turned a deaf ear as my eyes pretended the darkness of my eyelids was welcome. Everything in me was awake. Everything in me is still awake.

I suddenly remembered something I’d been wanting to draw and that was it.

I threw off the covers and popped out of bed.

I pulled a blank sheet of paper from the printer, got my favorite (only) pencil and eraser, and the sketching began.

There’s something so interesting to me about me drawing.

I haven’t drawn in… over 10 years. I don’t know where or why this came up again recently. Beyond elementary school art class, I’ve never taken lessons or been particularly interested in drawing, although I was always amazed and in love with the artistic talent of my friends.

But here I am, trying out something new and familiar at the same time.

There’s something therapeutic about it, going over the same area multiple times but making distinct lines that form a figure, erasing and re-sketching as more insight comes through about what it could or should look like. The concentration that involves all of me, with no one to interrupt is addicting.

I forgot my earlier pleas to the gods, my pitiful attempts at pretending I’m sleepy.

I still don’t think I’ll be able to go to bed but it might be okay. Lol.

Here is what came through tonight.

And here is what I drew a couple weeks ago.

I promise I’ll get better. But, Universe, it would be great to get better at a more godly time. Like not 2 in the morning. Just a thought.

Good night/morning.