I got my eyebrows retouched from microblading (tattoo) a few days ago. I thought the lady that did the work did a great job. I liked it and heard compliments from others.
I finally got the chance to show my mom.
“Look Mom, I got my eyebrows touched up.”
“Ah I see, it looks okay.”
After looking at it a little closer, “Do you think you could make the ends thinner? Or make the inner brow thicker? It would look better that way.”
“Lol no Mom, I think it’s fine the way it is, but thanks.”
I left for the gym without thinking much about the conversation.
About an hour later, while staring at myself in the middle of a workout, I busted out laughing. I remembered the brief conversation with Mom.
I laughed because:
1) she asked if I could make part of the tattoo disappear.
2) I once would have been so annoyed, angry, even hurt that she didn’t and/or couldn’t support me in what I had done (yes, I’m petty)
3) I once mistook her words of suggestion as a rejection of me, that I’m never good enough, basically needing and craving her approval
4) all those years I spent trying to get her to see that her suggestions are unwanted and unhelpful, basically changing the way she thinks
I know I looked crazy looking at the mirror laughing but it didn’t matter because there was no one else in the room loll. It also didn’t matter because it doesn’t matter.
I laughed also because I knew where I had once been and where I am now. And it feels damn good to feel the distance between.
It feels so good to let what is be and move on.
It feels so good to not feel like I need to justify or demand something from my mom.
It feels so good to not expect or need her to change her thoughts, words, behavior in order for me to feel good.
It feels so good to accept myself and let that be not just enough, but everything.
It feels so good. I love it.
I appreciated that moment so much. I know, it doesn’t seem like much, but I remember times when one passing comment from her would remain with me all day, nestling itself in my mind and eventually, my heart.
I like my eyebrows. We good.