Sexuality for me – 31/100

Once you go down the rabbit hole of questioning everything, there are no exceptions.

No mercy.

No loopholes.

I mean, we can choose to let certain things go, to maintain our peace and sense of comfort. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I’ve done that many times.

And these things I had let go of, sort of dismissed in the past, surface again.

Not in a vindictive or annoying or haunting way.

No.

They’ve just always been there. Ready to be picked up, examined, and known – in my timing.

One of these things, for me, is sexuality. Specifically, mine.

Ha.

IMG_0893
PC: Stef Lin

Perhaps, in my journey of seeking to serve others as a profession, this aspect is superfluous, an extra bit that I might consider leaving alone so I can focus on other, more pressing things.

But I think not.

Because I have one life to live. And to be very honest, I didn’t come here to serve only others, to love only others. I came to love, know, and honor me.

And this, my exploration of myself as a sexual being, is a declaration of my honoring self.

Because I’d never been taught that it was something to wonder, question, or even think about. Unless it was with the opposite sex.

That was always a given. That was life. Man and woman. I never questioned it, never felt the need to. It was convenient and easy, easy to digest and easy to live out.

But God / Universe… oh you, you have such different ideas about Life than I do. It’s always been the case.

And as much as I wanted to run from this whole thing, from impending disaster (or so I thought), I also knew the track record.

The 100% track record… of getting it right every time. Every. Freaking. Time.

Getting it right as in, more freedom, more love, more hope, more inspiration, more more more of all the good good good.

And it simply begins with one thing.

Surrender.

Surrender to the process, to the journey, to the universe within and without.

Surrender to the fear and to the doubt.

Surrender to the love and to the inner knowing.

In the end, everything works out. Though I know a couple people very very very close to me that would say otherwise. Ha. Or perhaps I underestimate them. We shall see.

But no – regardless of anyone whose judgment I’m aware of, everything does work out in the end. It always does. It always has.

So let’s go from here.

I’m surrendered.

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