Past flame – 47/100

I dated someone I met in New York last October up until mid-March. We had cool vibes and a sweet connection going on.

But it didn’t work.

We could say it’s the distance. Or the time difference. Or whatever.

But it didn’t work.

Looking back now, it was very clear that we weren’t going to work from early on.

There were too many things that weren’t coming together for me that I wasn’t aware of until now.

hand and sand
Photo by Kunj Parekh on Unsplash

It ended anti-climactically and unexpectedly, where I asked for space so I could process and be with myself regarding an issue we were working through.

When I contacted him a day and half later, I didn’t get a response. It took me a full two days after that to realize that he had blocked my number.

I decided I would give it seven days before calling it quits, consider myself single again.

Seven days passed.

Nothing.

I let it go, appreciated all that it was, and wished him the best internally.

A week later, I sent him an email letting him know exactly that – that I’m glad he did what he needed to do for himself, that I’m open to friendship if he is and wants, and that I wish him the best and only the best.

No response.

Cool.

Last week, he popped up in my Instagram notifications. He liked and innocently commented on a fairly not recent photo.

That was interesting.

The next day, he followed me, which meant he had blocked me on Instagram as well.

This week, today, I realize that I was holding onto something and I was ready to let it go.

I laughed meanly at his attempt to connect with me, thinking this fool has no flipping idea who he’s talking to. I had felt a sort of anger and annoyance and even arrogance at his inability and lack of desire to communicate with me what’s going on in his mind and heart.

For me, that’s all I ask. That’s all I want – to know what’s going on, even if it means we separate.

But that’s not where he’s at.

And that’s cool.

There was a humbling moment in my quiet time today where I came face to face with that.

He’s doing his best.

As I’m doing my best.

And I could no longer judge him. I could no longer feel the anger or frustration or annoyance or arrogance.

He was and is him doing him.

I was and am me doing me.

In that moment, I sent him light and I could see him being engulfed in the light until there was only light. I blessed him and felt ready to let go.

And it went.

I feel complete. I feel freer, lighter, happier. I think he may be too, in some way.

1 thought on “Past flame – 47/100”

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