Being humbled – 59/100

 

Being humbled is one of the best and worst feelings in the world.

It’s the worst because something feels like it’s dying.

The best because it gives way, gives birth to something new, usually something that serves better, fits better with a happier, freer life.

The worst because it feels like I’m letting go of something that was close to me, something I believed, something I chose to be a part of my life, the way I operate.

The best because it speaks to the extremely human and divine nature within that the world is bigger than I think, that I am greater than I think.

Being humbled feels painful and yields glory beyond measure.

Knowing that, I choose to be humbled, time and again.

I choose to let go of my thoughts, my feelings, myself, the things I thought were me.

I choose to allow whatever wants to flow through next to flow through, the way it wants.

I choose to live, to evolve, to grow, to thrive.

There seems to be no other way to live, now.

But I remember when I would rather hurt another, hurt myself to preserve something I believe, something I want, something I think I need.

I remember the hardness within, the stubbornness building a fortress of logic as to why I’m right.

I remember the agony of truth slowly slowly slowly seeping in, until I could no longer deny it.

The moment of clarity and the moment of decision.

me in hammock
C. two weeks ago. PC: Jolie

Many times, I decided to stay where I was.

Once, twice, a few times, I began to let go.

Once that got going, it was still painful but it got easier.

Because the truth is addicting. And it is a good friend.

Because knowing and welcoming something that stands on its own is much easier than constructing a monument to myself and convincing others to buy in.

Because I want to live easier.

I want to breathe better.

I want to love deeper.

I want to really know and be me, to really know Life and Love.

Because Life and Love are so good in their true form, in another dimension of what I think, what I had experienced and chosen as my truth.

They truly do flow, if I let it. If I want the flow enough to go with the flow.

If I allow the rock-solid arguments and “logic” to be broken down.

And then I see that I don’t maintain and hold truth – no. Truth holds me.

From there, I get to play and be free.

Because the Truth really does set me free.

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