Man, it feels good to have this blank entry in front of me. Also, it’s painful. Haha.
I sit here wanting to write and the judgments introduce themselves.
Really elementary judgments.
Like feeling bad that I only write when I feel like it, and where’s the craftsmanship in that? The dedication, the devotion to my art and talent.
That sounds even dumb to write.
Or thinking that I am so rusty and so off my groove – too much so that I can’t write.
Shit like that.
And to an extent, some of that feels true.
It feels a little awkward.
But anyway, let’s stop writing about writing, or not writing, in this case lol.
Let’s talk about where I am in life.
Because I want to. Even though there’s a part of me that feels like I’m too much and all my words are superfluous, extraneous, unnecessary.
Even though there’s a part of me that wants me to shut up.
There’s an even bigger part of me that tells that part of me to shut up.
Because this is, my blog, after all.
Because I have, a voice, after all.
Because I do, get to exist the way I want, after all.
And because Life happens through me, after all.
And no one, not one gatdamn person in the whole gatdamn world past present and future can express Life like yours truly.
Wow, that feels uncomfortable to say.
I want to add right away that this is true for everyone.
But I recognize that this is something I do sometimes to dispel and dilute the tension I feel around it, around me, for god’s sake.
And I just… don’t think that’s right.
I don’t think it’s right to be the one to kill my flame, to close the door on me, ridicule me, diminish me.
It doesn’t make sense, it goes against the nature of All That Is.
And things that go against the nature of anything always feels shitty.
That I know.
I would like to be me with me and be me with the world.
I think that is one of my greatest desires.
To share freely, easily, naturally, openly with the world.
To express me and my heart and my soul.
To be one, absolutely one with all of me with all of the world.
I think that would be the greatest gift to me.
To feel free to do so.
Because, as much as I am expressed through writing, the mandalas, etc., there’s so much more.
And that leads me to believe and see and trust that there is so much more to others.
And that, to me, makes the world such a beautiful place.
Because I belong in it.
Because you belong in it.
Because we create it.
And to the judgment that says, If you feel like it, just do it, why haven’t you done it already, you’re all talk – Lol.
You’re so dumb.
I acknowledge you and I acknowledge that you’re so dumb and clueless.
You have no idea what it means to be Alive and Living.
You have no idea what it feels, what it means to know Life.
Not know in my head,
I mean know in my heart, by experience, by Love.
So 548 words later, my conclusion is, you’re doing great, Grace.
Keep not writing, keep writing, keep not expressing, keep expressing.
Whatever you’re doing, however you’re doing it,
Like a MF charm.