My Relationship Project for my Spiritual Psychology program is my dad.
Dear ol’ Dad.
The two things I committed to doing this month are:
placing him and our relationship in the light, essentially praying for him/us
greeting and sending him off each day with a deep hug.
I’ve been forgetting to do the first one heehee.
But the second one I have.
And just yesterday, my dad popped in his head during lunch while I was working in my room and asked if I wanted to get lunch.
We rarely share time together, and I constantly think about setting something up with him, a dinner or lunch or something, but I end up not.
So it was like the heavens parted in that moment – not to say that this would never happen in a million years,
but here is my Relationship Project inviting me to share a meal with him, one of the holiest activities on planet Earth.
And I didn’t choose my dad because things are turbulent or violent or deeply unhappy and unsatisfying.
I chose my dad because I know, in the heart of hearts that I would love to share a heartfelt connection with him, to project no more judgement on him, to share more of my life with him.
I chose my dad because at the end of my life, he’s the one person I know I will feel deeply pleased to have connected with and cultivated a beautiful relationship with.
It means a lot because for many years, and still sometimes now, we’ve been pains in each other’s asses.
We’ve been angry and seen each other angry more often than not.
We’ve avoided each other and known we were being avoided.
We’ve assumed we were not loved and appreciated and respected by each other.
And now, with almost 3 decades behind us, we have reached a neutral spot.
A place where I don’t hate him and I’m very positive he doesn’t hate me.
A place where I want to appreciate him and still shy away from opening up to him, potentially opening myself up to criticism and things I don’t want to hear about the way I’m running my life.
A place where I want to let go but not so much that I let my guard down.
We’ve had our breakthrough moments, moments of vulnerability, tenderness, and kindness.
And now, I want more.
I want to truly show up in this relationship with my dad, let go of all – yes, all judgment, assumptions.
I want to be kinder to him, gentler.
I want him to know he is not only loved by his daughter, but appreciated and deeply respected.
And so, when he asked if I had eaten, the universe could not have made it clearer or easier to respond.
I did, and all of it was wonderful. Mundane to the outside eye but wonderful to me.
I could tell how much he cared and how much he wanted me to prosper and thrive and have all the things I want and be happy.
I could tell how much he wanted to give what little he had.
And I wanted him to know, more than anything, that he was received.
We still don’t agree on many things and I know now, agreement on everything is not (always) the fundamental platform of a heartfelt relationship and connection.
So, I must say, I blew this month’s Relationship Project out of the water, with the generous partnership of the universe.
I love my life.