Looking up at the sky today, I was mesmerized by the wispy clouds against the blue background. Super gorgeous day.
I could see the clouds slowly unfurling and meandering, nowhere to go, nothing to do.
Gazing at the vastness, enjoying the warmth of the sun, I had a sudden feeling that I was in a fishbowl.
And the sky is our ocean.
The atmosphere is our water, like water is to fish.
I felt very small in that moment.
But I also felt very aware of my own presence and my awareness of the sky that is our ocean that is our fishbowl.
And I realized, we live in a fishbowl.
And we live with a consciousness, an awareness that is much bigger than this fishbowl, this earth.
It’s evident in the way that I look at the things around me, at myself, at my life, and I seek out truth, some kind of truth, something that will speak to me.
Because the surroundings, the things I hear, taste, feel, smell, touch aren’t enough.
This fishbowl isn’t enough.
There’s something more.
It feels like my soul calling, my heart nudging.
And first, I felt drawn outward, looking for meaning, for purpose, for love, for truth in the fishbowl.
Sometimes it felt like depression, all the looking looking looking and never finding.
After years of searching, of turning every rock and every corner, I felt drawn inward.
At first, it was because there was nowhere to go.
Because I didn’t know where else to go.
Then, little by little, oh-so-little by little, the contents of my heart, of my soul, of my knowing and awareness became more and more known to me.
It felt and feels infinite, like a giant pool of vastness, encapsulated by sacred silence and burgeoning with expansive energy.
Inward and inward and inward…
When I thought I’d reached “it”, there was more, always one more door, always more depth, always more height, always more limitlessness, always more Me, more God.
And I realized, I real-ized the truth that everything I’d searched for existed easily, perfectly, beautifully, infinitely within.
The hunger and yearning quenched.
The void filled by the awareness of All That Is, of myself in relation to Spirit, to God, to Life.
And I could see, I could know, the vastness, the beauty, the magnificence I saw outside of me was only a representation of what exists within me.
The fishbowl was never “it”.
It was never the source.
And now, the fishbowl is a beautiful place.
Because I know where home is.
I live in the fishbowl in my skin, with my personality, in this lifetime.
But I know home is within, home is Me.